sexual/emotional

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
sexual/emotional
3
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 3:08pm
I have been involved sexually with a coworker for 8 months. We both agreed from the being that it was only sex, but along the way it has become emotional for me. Is it love or lust. Last week the OM told me it was best for us to end the sexual relationship. We are both married 7-8 years. OM says he loves his wife. My marriage has a void and the OM filled that void. Now I can not get OM out of my mind and find it difficult to be around OM. Was I just an ego trip? Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 3:26pm
Hi Beth. I'm also in a relationship that's supposed to be about the sex only. Its gone on for 2 years now. All I can say is that in my experience, my MM had NC with me for 8 weeks during which time I thought it was over completely. But he did get in touch again.

I think they go thru guilt feelings and it takes them a while to get in touch with what they really want. Because my MM did come back to me, maybe yours will change his mind too.

Is it just for sex for them? I think that their feelings must also come into play, otherwise they wouldn't be feeling guilty, after all, if its only for sex, what's that got to do with them loving their W? Men can compartmentalize so much better than women can.

I totally understand where you are. My MM fills a huge void in my life and I really need him at this point, I didn't know what I was going to do if I never saw him again. What can I say? Having NC is brutal. I feel sorry for you. But at least he told you he was initiating it, instead of just no goodbye or anything (like mine did).

Sorry for what you're going through. I hope things turn out the way you want. Maybe he will come back to you? That whole time, I was just hoping that he had enough feelings towards me to come back, and he did.

Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 7:19pm
Beth..as i read your post, I felt like I was telling my story of my A. Mine too is suppose to be about sex. But, lately, I've been feeling like to me it's so much more and also been feeling like he's backing off a little. (I tend to overthink things) I guess from reading other posts, it's just a bad day out there..but, I've been crying a river of tears tonight over him. Not sure ever where I stand with him, he fills a huge void in my life and marriage..and to think of facing the world without him, makes me so sad. I just have been thinking lately that I'm in too deep and maybe I should end it now before he does someday and I'm devestated. I just can't imagine what it would be like without him, but, am just feeling like I'm in way over my head. He jokinly said this am that maybe we should end it (after I overeacted to a comment he made)..I pressed him and pressed him was that what he wanted. He said no and that I need to lighten up a bit.

I just wish this was light and easy like it was in the beginning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 10:01pm

Hi Beth,


You could possibly still be in the lust stage... it really is hard to tell... we all love differently.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My