Sexy, Sweetie or Sue???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sexy, Sweetie or Sue???
4
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:52pm


I'm a MW and I've been involved in a sexual relationship with a MM for a few months now. We've known each other very casually for over a year. Neither of us has any intention of leaving our spouses. We haven't made any effort to get to know each other any better. Actually we know very little about each other. We communicate via e-mail, instant messenger and cell phone. At the beginning he used to open an IM, e-mail or phone call with, "Hi Sexy" or Hi Sweetie". He signed off with Big Hugs, and his name. He also used to call the morning after we were together and say it was so nice being with a beautiful, sexy woman, etc., etc. You get the picture.Now he says,(names have been changed for obvious reasons) "Hi Sue" and signs off with "Jack". After being intimate for a few months why the change? I felt really good when he used Sexy and Sweetie. I'm confused.Should I bring this up with him? Will he think I want more out of our relationship if I do and scare him off? Any opinions are welcome! Thanks!



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 8:11am
Hmm... Maybe he does feel like he's getting to know you better. It's inevitable over time, even if you try to keep it impersonal. I can't imagine how you'd have conversations and avoid getting to know each other better. Even if all you talk about is sex, seems other things would slip in. Maybe the fact that he's using your name is a sign he's developing feelings for you. Or maybe not. Men often do things without realizing it and because we women dissect everything, it's up to us to tell them they are doing something that bothers us. Why can't you start addressing him as sexy? I often do that when I call my MM. Just say "Hi Sexy" when he picks up the phone. He loves it...or at least he did the last time I did it. Haven't tried it in a while. But it definitely sets the tone for the entire conversation. Lets him know we aren't going to be talking about chitchatty stuff... Otherwise, I don't see any problem with just letting him know you miss being called Sexy. It's not as much fun when you have to tell them to do it, though. Asking him why he stopped doing it sounds a little too accusatory, so it would be better just to let him know you miss it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 12:41am
Hi Sue,

I so wanted to reply to you the other day... but I was unable to.

In my opinion... and of course that is my opinion... I think that he may just be getting more comfortable with you and your relationship by calling you by your real name rather than an endearment.

I know myself... with my inlaws... I avoided calling them by their names... don't ask me how I did for so many years... but then one day it was comfortable and their names just rolled off my tongue and now I wouldn't think twice about it.

I'd be pleased... but if you miss those other names... then just simply tell him that you enjoy it when he uses them.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 09-13-2003 - 11:43am
Hi Lilah,

I do call him sexy, sweetie, handsome and other pet names. I also think it's best because we won't slip up when talking to our spouses if we get into the habit of using pet names.

I think I'll just tell him it makes me feel special when he calls me by a pet name. He did refer to me as "his Baby" the other night when we were together.

Thanks!

beachbabe

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 09-13-2003 - 11:44am
Hi Sweet,

Maybe you're right and it just means he's more comfortable with me. I analyze things too much and I'm way too insecure about all of this. Thanks!

beachbabe