SG coming to visit and I'm confused...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
SG coming to visit and I'm confused...
5
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 2:21am
a quick update...MM and I have been involved for 8 mos, friends for 10+ years. At first, he would contact me every single possible second he could. We have cell phones exclusivly to contact eachother. We would talk a couple of hours a day, then the time tapered down. Starting in Sept. the phone calls diminshed to a few minutes a day. I asked MM if his feeling toward me or about us had changed - he assured me that it was the farthest thing from the truth, that he loved me, that he was in love with me and in a perfect world he would be married to me right then and there. He said he was busy and that he was just trying to deal with everything going on in his life. I accepted this as he was struggling with being in love w/ me and still M'd and as he owns his business, yes, he was very busy. There came a time where I did not hear from him for a week and I was pissed, ready to end the whole thing. Come to find out there was a death in the family and he was out of state. Since he was with family he couldn't call me. Needless to say, I felt like a heel once he told me what was going on. He called me twice that day, twice the next day. He made a point of telling me "I love you" several times during our conversations. It has been two weeks since I have heard from him. He doesn't have the cell phone on - that yes is for our exclusive use.

I have come to terms with the fact that our A is over. Why, I am not sure as I have not talked to him these past two weeks. For the past two months, while our contact has diminished, I have faced the fact that it was coming to an end anyway. The past four days it has been not quite so hard, in fact today went by without me fretting over the fact I have not talked to him. In fact it has been a week since I cried about the situation.

Ok here is the point of this posting. I have known SG for 4 yrs. We had a "thing" 3 1/2 yrs ago. Strictly sex, no emotional connection whatsoever. We have been in contact over the years. He is in the military and went to the Gulf for seven months, he returned to the states a few months ago and calls me often. He wants to fly me out to visit him. I put it off as I was involved with MM. I have not had sex with anyone other than MM - personal choice to do so. I have not dated as I am in love with MM. SG called tonight to see when I was finally going to go out to see him. I gave him a date - I know I have to move on with my life. Well he doesn't want to wait that long and is going to come out here to see me in two weeks. I was looking forward to hooking up with him.

All of a sudden, I started crying...I was just watching TV and all of a sudden I started crying. I hate feeling like this. I am a very strong, independent woman. I have so many positive things in my life. I have wonderful, healthy, beautiful children, a thriving business and wonderful supportive friends. I am very active with my children's activities, etc. I rarely cry - except when it comes to my kids then I cry at the drop of a hat. I have never been the type to 1. get involved with someone that is not available, 2. be one to pursue an impossible relationship. Up until now, I have been the one to end relationships not the guy.

This is the second time in my life that I have been in love with someone. I loved my XH at one time but not like this. My XH was "close enough" to real love, but that was a disaster waiting to happen. The first time was a very long time ago - and I messed that up. (another therapy session).

I know what to expect from SG, no strings just sex. I am ok with that, but I am struggling with the sadness and grief of the A. It makes it hard to look forward to the upcoming weekend with SG....

Just needed to vent...thank you my friends for being here.

saatty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 6:31am

oh saatty... I wish that I could be there to put my arms around you and give you a great big hug... but my cyber ones will have to do.


I can't offer you advice on the broken heart... but I feel you are a strong woman and you will get through and tears never hurt anyone... so let them flow and do the greiving for what you know you have lost... it's the only way to get on the road to recovery.


And while it may be hard... set your sites on that date... and have the best time ever.


Thinking of you girl... sending you lots of hugs...


and do keep us up with everything


luv and hugs

Sweet
Community Leader My Affair Support
email me at sweetc_@hotmail.com

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly"

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 6:58am
saatty you seem to be a strong woman. I am sorry about the end of your affair with the MM. You knew sooner or latter all affairs come to an end, even the statistics prove that all the time. I wish your MM would come out and say it over instead of being wishy washy about ending the affair. But you know it the Mars/Venus thing - men don't say half the things that they need to say anyway. You need to get on with your life for yourself and the children. Please go outside for walks, spend time with friends, go out to a movie etc. Keep busy so that you don't spend your time thinking about it. I would say go on the date with the SG so that you can forget the situation with the MM. I wish you all the best and remember we all are here for you if you need to vent or cry. good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 9:30pm
Thanks for the hugs and encouragement. Probably the thing I am grieving the most is the 10+ year friendship. We had wonderful, meaningful conversations and now we discuss the weather and sports, nothing substantive. I really miss the friendship we once had. I'm better today, but it is still hard....thanks again you guys.

saatty

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 7:07am
It sounds like you lost more than your lover, you lost your best friend. And how well I know that feeling. He also didn't give you any explanation or closure, which makes it harder to except that it's over. Right now, you are going through the grieving process, and sudden tears will come, my advice: cry, grieve, then get to the point where you can say, "screw him, he lost out on the the best thing that ever happened to him." Seeing SG will be a good start...go for it, live, have fun, pamper yourself...you deserve it.

Big Hugs,

ittybrat

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 1:02pm
so should I push for closure? There is a couple of other ways that I can get a hold of him but pride has kept me from utilizing them. It is the unknown of what is going on with him that is probably the most difficult. Is he backing away because he needs time to figure out what he wants to do? Is it too difficult for him to be M and in love w/ me so by not talking to me he isn't reminded of how unhappy he is? Have his feelings for me changed, literally overnight, and he can't/won't tell me and figures cutting off contact will end it? If so, why is the cell phone still active? Is there someone else (other than W)? Have he and his W really started to work on the M? WHAT??????

I know it would be easier if I did have some type of closure.

In the mean time, I will be going out to see SG in three weeks, and some of my friends are working on setting me up(ugh, blind dates - never been on one and not sure what to expect). I'm fortunate that there is more than enought to keep me busy, so for the most part I don't think about (obsess) about MM, but there are those moments that sneak up on me.

Thanks again everyone for your support. I know I should probably go ETA board, but I feel much more comfortable here.

saatty