Share ideas on how not to get caught....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Share ideas on how not to get caught....
20
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:19pm
Would everyone like to share their ideas on how NOT to get caught? Little things you have learned along the way, or close calls that required quick thinking.

I'm new to the EMA, but when I do phone MM, I use a phone card, then when I'm finished with the call, dial 411 on the phone in case H decided to *69.

Your ideas?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:38pm
good thinking on the 411 ...

This is what I do to cover my tracks.. I always clear the dialed and recieved calls on my cell phone. And when I call on my home phone to get my vmessages like you I call the bank # if he decided to hit redial so he won't know I"m trying to get my messages.

When MM calls to get together I shut the Home ringer off when I leave. I use the excuse that my friend needs me to pick her up from work, so if she decided to call, the ringer will be off and H can't answer the phone!!!

Also, if MM calls like at the last min. wanting to get together in the next few hours, I will pretend to call my House from my cell and answer it and pretend it's my friend needing a ride home..

(I'm soo bad)!!

And I have a plan if MM's wife ever got a hold of my cell # and calls it, when I answer I would say "oh I"m sorry this is my cousin John's phone and he's just letting me borrow it for a few hours!!

If H tried to call me on my cell when I'm with MM, I would say that the phone fell out of my pocket book and it was left in the car..lol

One time I went out for an errand and MM wanted to get together, so I called my H saying that I seen an old friend at a coffee shop, and we're gonna stay and have a coffee and talk..

ok those are my quick thinking plans.. shhh don't tell anyone!!!

Chris




Gina
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:48pm
What I have learned is that the more you see of each other or contact eahc other, the higher the chances of getting caught. This is so unfortunate! We only communicate personally between M-F and hours of 9-5. I unfortunately have way too many connections to mm. We work together, and our sons are best friends. We also have co workers who live on my street that my H is friendly with and could strike up a convesation with. We were just talking about how we could get away overnight while he is on a buiness trip. I was thinking I would go too but then the kids would talk and maybe his son would mention it to W that I was in the same city that weekend. Of course I thought later I could always "go" somewhere else. It just seems so complicated with us that we are doomed to last minute quickies.

He also likes to buy me toys.... I have to hide these things from H. I don't really want to use them with H. You have to make sure you think through every encounter and make sure you have an alabi just in case something unexpected happens. Like once MM called me in the middle of the day and I went over to see him. While I was gone H came home and left. Later that night he said he came home and I wasn't prepared to tell him where I had gone so I just spurted out that I was at the gas station. Well I had filled up the day before, and for some reason he looked at my gas receipt in the car and it was dated the day before. He has had his radar up to I have to be extra careful!

You just can't relax

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 3:09pm
DON’T BE CARELESS… I WAS.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 3:50pm
I ALMOST got caught once, so have learned to really cover my tracks! Like DeeDee, MM and I only contact each other at work, M-F, using the phone or our work email. Whenever he calls my cell/I call him from my cell, I erase all of my call logs. Even though we email at work, I delete ALL emails sent and received with MM...I figure you can NEVER be too careful. I also delete all voice messages.

Most importantly, when coming up with a story to meet, it is always best to keep it as close to the truth as possible. For example, don't say you are going to a meeting in city A, then meet him in city B. Find an excuse to go where you really are meeting. If you say you are going to the gym, go there and check in before leaving to meet MM, and leave your car there. Also, NEVER use another person as an alibi when they don't know about it. That is how I almost got caught. I used the name of a person who is an officer with me on a statewide committee. I told H I was meeting this person to work on a project and thought it was safe because they had never met. Well, due to some extenuating circumstances he had reason to be suspicious. He called information and got the person's work number and called. Of course the person was at work, not meeting me. So, that being said, keep it close to the truth. If you use another person as an alibi, be sure they know about it. That wouldn't work for me because I feel that by telling ANYONE (other than this board) I run the risk of discovery so haven't told anyone.

I'll be interested to see what others have to say!

Billie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 7:14pm
Have cell phone bills go to office address. That is how we got caught. We were lucky we were involed with the same organization and had the chance to travel together ligit. Erase all text messages. Change passwords. Thats all I can think of at the moment good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 7:46pm
I always clear MM number after calling him, except I only clear that number and then call my voicemail. It will still show the last 10 numbers I called. My husband asked me one time why there were only 9 numbers when it says Last 10 Dialed....ugh! Also, when I call MM I dial *67 and his number. This will block my number on his caller ID for this call only. In case his W answers I can hang up or change my voice (sorry wrong number) and she won't know who it is.

Also, I almost got busted by H going through our computer and checking the temporary files and cookies (he found the history of the message boards I visited). You can delete these by going to TOOLS and Internet Options. Under Temporary Internet Files click on Delete Files and check All Offline Content and then okay. To erase the history click on Clear History.

Hope these help and thanks for the great tips!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 9:32pm
I use the *67 also and *69 cannot be used to call it back. He still erases them as they show up as a private number and we don't want to many of those coming up on the phone either, but if he should forget his wife won't have my number.

Redial can be used on it so be sure to dial something else after you talk to him/her.

My carrier also has a plan that you pay for your minutes up front so you do not get a bill. I still get my bill at home but my flat rate covers all the minutes I use and does not list any numbers on the bill.

Hope this helps someone.

Czy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 2:06pm
To tell you my ultimate secret will drop hints if the wrong person reads this. I will tell you what I do. I always talk with my OW via instant messenger at work. I rarely use my cell phone, but when I do I delete the number. I also have paperless billing which only I have the password.

I never call from my home, but then again we're local so it won't show on the bill that we did. She doesn't have my home number. I figure the less she has the less tempted she would have to call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 5:01pm
I agree with you Blue -- if I told too many of my secrets and someone read it

it would give me away

I do not call MM at home PERIOD !!!

MM only calls me at home when my H is at W and then he is only allowed to call me

AFTER my kids are in bed so they won't over hear anything that is questionable.

My MM does not contact me via my cell phone at all - we chat online thru a website so

nothing is traceable unless there is spyware - and if there is spyware I am done....it

would show this message board and good luck explaining that one right -

We only chat after my kids are in bed and my H is at work so I don't look all nutty

trying to close things down - he does have an email address that LOOKS identical to one

of my close friends so I can send email if I want but we usually do not use email

Basically I tell him ahead of time what the schedule is -

I have 2 jobs so between the 2 jobs I can get away to pay phones to call and arrange time

with MM or we have arranged time and we meet

I never call MM direct from my phone I always use a phone card

We do not and will not ever have caller ID --- we screen all calls thru the machine and most everyone calls me on my cell so I know who it is the second it rings !!

You just sort of learn to be very cautious is all --

If I am going away for the day with MM I am about as vague as I can be without sending up a red flag and I usually try to arrange that time with MM during times H is at work just so I don't get parnoid

I have a live-in so I can just about go on the drop of a dime but MM knows I am a mother first and foremost I can always say - "I need to be mommy" - and he gets it -

MM is a father himself so he knows

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 5:21pm
Kikki,

Thanks for sharing your insight. It makes me feel I'm not alone. OW is a mother and I'm a father, so we both understand when it's time to play mom or pop. Since she has the freedom, I can contact her at him. With me, she can't contact me at home. She doesn't even have my number. On my Cell, I just gave that to here. I guess I'm still building "trust". I told her to use extreme caution if calling after work hours. I do have a phone where I can program certain numbers to "ring" silent. Not even a vibration, because I don't want to draw attention to the W. For some reason she can hear when my phone vibrates even when I have the radio on. Text message is safe, because I have a program that sends certain emails to my phone and my phone vibrates, so to anyone that knows, I have an email.

I do use the phone card. Very good investment.

I don't have caller ID at home, and may not get one.

The best times are preplanned.

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