Sharing too much info

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Sharing too much info
5
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:24pm
MM is for sure my best frined, I keep very little from him. But my best girl friend to me and MM both lives in another state. She was here a few months back. We spent alot of time together, she and I, she and MM and the three of us together. I think maybe she had a clue, that something more was going on with me and MM, but she never said a word. Last night we were talking, she said we are close right, you turst me right? Of couse I do I trust her very much. She said then I want to know the truth about you and MM. OMG, I really was at a loss, then she said nevermind, we'll talk just about it when you get out here. I'm planning a trip out there in January. I really wanted to tell her... But I said I'd never put anyone in the posission to have to lie, so for me that ment telling NO ONE. I really wouldnt have to worry about her telling anyone. But I've just tried so hard to keep this A hidden, and I know if just one person finds out, then there is a greater risk that it will be discovered.

I know some of you have frineds that know, do you feel like they judge you? Do you worry that they will spill on you?

I keep telling myself deny, deny, deny, but it would be nice to have some one to talk to.

dayz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:34pm

if you feel you can trust her -- and make it clear that she is to tell no one, her H, BF, best friend wherever she is, etc. about what you two talk about -- then confide in her. only you can be the judge of the depth of that relationship and how far to go with her.

good luck,

gurl




Edited 2/18/2004 1:06:05 PM ET by gurlfriend50
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:38pm
Don't tell. Believe me from experience, it only causes more problems. Everything you do, they suspect, even if it has nothing to do with the A. I thought at first it would help being able to talk to my best friend about it. Let me say this: she has never judged me, just let me know that I have a good H and was risking a lot. It put her in a very uncomfortable situation and like you said, if she was asked, she would have to lie (she would, but I wouldn't want to put her in that position).

I don't know if it's right or not, but I have basically told her that we ended the A and we're just friends, because we decided that the friendship was more important to us. Don't know if this helps, only my experience with telling. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:50pm
Thanks ladies for the reply's one from both sides, of course I hope if I did share with her, it would go well, as with gurl. Things have went so well with MM, I just dont want to blow it. I bet while I'm there next month, I'll tell her.

Thanks

dayz
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 1:00pm
I have told only one person, and that is a girlfriend of over 30 years who lives halfway across the US who doesn't know my H or my family. She has truly been a godsend to me when I need to vent, advice, whatever. I think I would have gone nuts by now if I hadn't decided to confide in her, but I chose her for the reason you said about not wanting anyone to have to lie for you. I have another girlfriend here that I would love to tell, but she and her H are friends of me & my H and I know it would be too much to ask that she not tell her H because they share everything. Besides, she knows MM, too, and that would be even more awkward. My friend who knows has never judged me and I don't think she ever would. True friends don't judge, they just are. Go with your gut and let us know how things turn out. We're here for you whatever you decide!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 1:01pm
dayz, i just couldn't be so isolated from my girlfriends.

gurl




Edited 2/18/2004 1:05:23 PM ET by gurlfriend50