Shocked, denial, revenge

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2008
Shocked, denial, revenge
4
Sat, 09-13-2008 - 10:29pm

Ladies, I posted awhile back that I broke it off with AP. I posted the letter i wrote him. And i did send it, but AP has this way of wooing me over and we stayed continuing our A, with talk of being together in a real R.


Keep in mind, I have known AP since he was 17 and I was 16, now we are 28 and 27. A has been going on for 7 months.


I just found out he has 5 other women.


FIVE.


I know, what should I expect from someone who is in an A, he can't be that all of a faithful, honest guy, but I am completely shocked over this. I found out this past Wednesday and have been sick to my stomach since. Wednesday, H and I had a major blowout and AP is always saying, call me if u get into a bad fight, i am here for u. Never has he not taken my calls, there has only been some rare times, like when his phone has been off because he "accidently" forgot to turn it on when he was charging it.


Back to the discovery....Wed AM I can't get a hold of AP, and it was getting on to 9 AM and i knew he was up and working at this time. He builds houses and such. So I call his boss, to tell him to tell AP to turn his phone on because I need to speak to him urgently. His boss knows who I am, and he is hemming and hawing, saying he is not next to him, and I say, well, im just gonna drive up to the site then. His boss finally comes out that i dont want to see AP right now, and much digging later, there was someone there keeping his bed warm with him! (they stay at the site) His boss really didnt want to be too specific, but he has really been sick of AP juggling women while working so he spilled the beans that there are 5 other women, each think that they are the only one, and that they are all married, because AP states that married women don't talk!!!


And his boss even sent me a picture to prove it!!! Now I am in a crappy position. His boss is letting him go once this job is done, end of season...and turns out AP is a lazy worker and boss doesnt want him back. The job should be done by the end of this week and in between then, his boss is going to try and get me more pictures. I am trying my best to act normal on the phone to AP, since

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Sat, 09-13-2008 - 11:00pm
How horrible, I feel for you. I'd be so hurt and angry.
How did his boss get those pictures though?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2008
Sun, 09-14-2008 - 12:10am

I can't imagine how painful this is for you!


Something just seems off to me, though. Why would his boss risk sending you those pictures? And how in the world is he getting the pictures? Why would he continue to send you more pictures and texts? (You know the truth--- why is he continuing to send this stuff? You've got all the proof you need.)


I don't know much about your story. I apologize if you've explained this dynamic of your A before- I just don't understand how the boss is comfortable being so involved in his employees life.


Good luck with AP! We're all here for you- keep us posted.


Sneaking Fruit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Sun, 09-14-2008 - 2:34am

I'm sure this really hurts your feelings, but I think you're missing the obvious here. He is having an affair with you. I don't know if he's married or not, you don't say, but as much as it sucks to hear this, the bottom line is that he's not in a "committed" relationship with you. Your committed relationship is with someone else, your H, as may be his if he's married. He's on the side. Therefore, whether he's seeing others besides you is really, when it all boils down, not your business. Is he a jerk because he didn't at least tell you this? Yes, he is. If anything, for your health's sake. I would think you would want to know who he is sleeping with besides you, and I would hope that you at least care about your husband's safety and health, too.

I guess this just goes to show that sometimes you really don't know a person like you thought you did, even if you've been acquainted for some time.

That being said, the only other thing is I think it's pretty inappropriate for you to be discussing his personal life with his boss, and for him to be discussing AP with you. It's about boundaries.

Perhaps you can look at this instead as a wake up call for you. The guy is using you for something, most likely sex. I'd dump him as of NOW.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Sun, 09-14-2008 - 1:52pm
Five other women?