Shoot! I'm getting emotionally involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Shoot! I'm getting emotionally involved.
14
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 9:19pm
And worse --> I don't think he is. This A was to be a "little fun", and I'm really finding myself quite enamored w/ my MM. I'm married, too, and he knows my marriage is not in good shape, and he claims to be quite content at home.

It's just frustrating. Has this happened to any of you? Is it more of a "girl" thing to get emotionally attached, whereas men can just enjoy the perks of the A and not get feelings involved?

Now, I just need to keep my trap shut and probably step back a bit. For example, what was going to be a lovely evening next week has just been messed up by my dh's schedule, and I was absolutely deflated to learn we couldn't hook up that night. He was very mellow about it. MEN!!

I guess, I'm feeling like my guy is just such a tough read when it comes to where he stands in this whole relationship...and I really don't want to bring up the discussion. (Yet I'm dying to know!!) **sigh**

Thanks for reading, yall!

Blushing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 8:06pm
omg!..Im going thru the same thing!!

I've noticed one thing though...if you ignore them ( MM )

they give you a little more attn....

Do it...and good luck...

Its great..affairs...in the beginning...but it hurts when

one starts to fall in luv...and the other doesnt.

Good luck...and be careful.

p.s. TOW2002 ..means( the other woman since 2002)

So I know where ur coming from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 10:37am
Hi Blushing, I also think I am a little more emotionally attached to MM than he is to me. He also claims to have a "good" marriage, while he knows my own is very much on the rocks.

That's probably why I have more feelings towards him than I think he has towards me.

Although if I was in a happy M, I would never have sought out MM to begin with.

Now I have him, it helps to fill a need I have. Take care and you are not alone,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 12:00pm
First of all, let me tell you...I came to this board so completely hardcore on the concept that this A of mine was nothing other than sex, that there wasn't any and never would be any emotional attachment...for those of you who have been here a couple years, Im sure you recall...well...BUSTED, Im human! LOL I don't believe there is any way possible to spend time with someone, especially intimately, and share the personal thoughts and put the effort forth that we all do and not develop an emotional attachment. And I said, Im human, not "Im a woman"...Men feel it to, they just dont need to express it like we do...men are generally much more confident beings than women are and with that said, they can feel how they feel and let it just be what it is...Men also are more realistic than women - the fact of the matter is that there WILL be a next time - so when plans fall through, men shake it off because they are realistic of the fact that 1) It is what it is and cant be helped 2) there will be a next time...I suggest that all of us make an effort not to lose who we are as women but for our own sanity that we try to realize the golden rule is that it is what it is...it's definately easier on the heart and the soul. We cant control what happens but we can control our reaction to it....THAT WAS GREAT, Im going to add that to the rules of EMAs....LOL

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 12:08pm
I guess I am the strange one here. Currently, I am married and am finding myself drawn into an emotional affair, nothing sexual at this point. However, in a previous marriage I had multiple affairs. I'm not really proud of that, but let's just say my husband was not exactly there for me. Our last two years together, we didn't even sleep in the same room, much less anything else. I had an affair with one person that really blew me away, but the rest of them? No emotional attachment at all. One of them, I ended up becoming friends with his wife! She and I were both better off without him. Another one, an unmarried guy, I decided I really did not like one bit and the sex was gettting boring, too, so why bother? Maybe for the majority of women, the emotional aspect is greater for them than their lovers, but I guess I am an exception. Or I was.

What is going on this time is the emotional part has come in first and I am desperately trying to keep the physical out of it. This particular person is an ex-boyfriend, so that may prove to be a problem. I really do not want to start having affairs again. My husband is certainly satisfying me sexually, unlike my previous husband. I guess something is lacking emotionally, though. Can't win for losing!

I guess I always knew I was a little different in my attitudes than other women. Sex and love to me are two different things. They can go hand in hand, but sometimes they don't. I am also sure there are men out there that think more like the typical woman, too. My husband said he had never dated more than one person at the time and wanted us to be exclusive from the beginning. I thought he was nuts!

All I can say to you is just try to go with the flow. You said neither of you meant to leave your spouses, so try to accept it for what it is. Why do you have to "read" him? Why not just enjoy being with him?

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