Should I be......
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| Tue, 02-09-2010 - 6:54pm |
irritated?
Im a MW in a A with a MM for about 6 months, we bot have XAP's. I recieved a email from AP, it was a general email except for the last part. AP proceeds to tell me that he got a email from his xap out of the blue and she had always corresponded with him a certain way and now he will correspond with me in that way too.....What??? So if his xap told him to jump off a bridge, he's going to do it..right??
Its not how he wants to correspond with me, that's actually a smart idea, if it was his idea. I'm irritated that he needed to tell me his XAP contacted him. I don't want to know about it I guess. I don't know a lot about his A w/his xap. It was a LDA but that's really all I know.....and now I want to know why she contacted him......sigh....But I wont ask...I know it is a ridiculous for me to think that a relationship built on a lie should have trust.
And no, its not lost on me that I'm okay with him being married but not okay to have contact with his XAP. I don't have contact with my XAP, At this point if I ever have contact with my XAP ...H*ll would freeze over.
okay I think I feel better, I would rather vent hear than turn this into a email to AP.
Though after reading the the EAS and BSS boards, my thought is his XAP is fishing, though not knowing how things ended, and since I'm not asking I don't really know.

Hi scarletb2008,
Well, I know how you feel. For some stupid friggen' reason, I had to go and ask my AP/BF if I was the longest A he'd been with...fully expecting a yes. But guess what? The answer was a resounding no, and I am devastated. Turns out he'd been with previous AP on and off for ten years...I thought I was "special", and now I feel like I'm just another in his list. No matter his protestations of how "we" are different. How he never spent more than a night with her, when he spends days on end with me...dammit, I've even met two of his brothers!!! I've woken up crying every morning since this revelation.
I have no jealousy about his W, yet this ex-AP thing is killing me in slow increments. He dumped her for me, we've been together for 2 1/2 years now...but I feel like he's lied to me and that I can't trust him as far as I can throw him. He even told me that she's called him several times, trying to revive their relationship...but he doesn't talk to her. Like I'm supposed to believe that now?
Out of everything we've been through, this just might be the last straw for me. I gave up MY WHOLE LIFE for this man, thinking that we were "destined"....what a frikken' crock. I am raw, I am bleeding...don't know if I'll ever get over it.
Sorry, but I don't have any advice for you....just raw pain. If you love this person, get used to it.
benska
Don't worry . . . I think we all understand what it is to be jealous of an XAP but not the SO that AP is actually cheating on. I don't view my AP's GF as a threat at all; he can't say enough about how unhappy he is with her. But if I met any XAP of his . . . I would instantly view her as my competition even if he insisted that he no longer had any interest in her.
I know that AP has cheated before but he tells me that I'm the only woman who has ever been more than a one time thing, and I'm happy believing him whether it's true or not. I would definitely NOT want to know if he was in contact with any XAP.
his xap has been thinking about him, is lonely, and would see him again in a heartbeat if he was available! why did he even tell this to you? on one hand i commend his "honesty" with you but on the other is he passively fishing/asking you if you want a 3-way or might be open to an "open" affair arrangement or what?
you need to ask him, "why did u tell me she contacted you?" and wait for his answer. i know exactly why she contacted him. maybe the bridge wasn't completely burned down yet.
good luck my dear!
Well, I have to 100% agree with you. I do commend his honesty. He has been pretty honest with me for the most part. I just don't want to have to deal with his xap or the "what if's." I just don't want to know, because then...I will want to know.lol.
I don't think he would want to explore a 3some w/her, if those cards were on the table he would tell me. Like I said he has been pretty honest and I don't think she is into that....I think.lol
I did send him a response, I talked around the issue a bit....and whoosh! right over his head.lol yeah, I was figuring on that, always count on a mans inability to read between the lines.lol
Well...I will keep a eye on the situation. as much as I can.