Should I be Mad?
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| Fri, 10-31-2008 - 6:21pm |
I am sure that most of you know me, and know that AP and I share a son together. Well as you all know today is Halloween, and my son is only 6 yrs old. This is a big deal for him.
Now my AP works a ridiculous amount of hours. This pay period he had 70 hrs of OT in addition to his normal 80 hrs. That's INSANE! So I know that he seldom gets a day off, but he was off today. I asked him if he would go trick or treatin' w/ me and our son, and he was like "No, I have a civic duty to stay here and hand out candy." I know he was trying to be cute, but I failed to find the humor in the whole thing.
My question is this: Should I be understanding that this is one of his rare days off, and just suck it up and let him rest, or should I be angry because he is passing up an opportunity to do the family thing? We have JUST started trying to do things as a family since he is leaving any day now, and I know my son would have been so happy if his dad had been there. I would appreciate any opinions that you guys would share.
Oh just a little side note. I got called into work to work a double, so I would have had to cancel if he had said yes, but he didn't know I was going to get called in. Thanks.

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Mmm
HI,
I agree with Santoria. His son is his son and he has responsibilites now - this has nothing to do with you or your A with him. I guess I feel like when a child is involved all bets are off. He should have stepped up to the plate and spent time with his son. He could have done both - spent time with him and then had him over to his house to pass out candy and your home or his.
I am sorry that he did this. I definitely would say something very soon. I hope he is paying child support and sharing the time spent with him to give you a break.
Take care...Just my opinion
I am going to try to not sound defensive, but that is how I feel right now.
My son's father is a very good father. He pays child support on top of buying most if not all of his clothes, shoes, hair cuts etc.. He makes a noble effort to spend as much time w/ our boy as possible, and I don't think that you guys are being fair to him. Perhaps because you don't know him, and you don't see the two of them together.
Like I said, he had 70 hours of overtime in a two week period on top of his normal 80 hr week. That's just an hour short of working a double shift everyday. That leaves him nine hours to commute, shower, eat, and say "Hi" to his son before he is due to report back for duty, and do it all over again. We are both cops, and I know how demanding the job can be both physically and mentally. It takes it's toll on you, and he has been in law enforcement for over 22 yrs. He's not a spring chicken any more.
He hasn't always worked this many hours. He is doing it because he is in the process of leaving his W so that we can be a family, and he wants to pay off as much debt as possible, so that when we start our lives together we are not bogged down w/ bills.
Yes, I'll admit that I was disappointed when he said that he wasn't coming, and I know that my son would have been thrilled. But I hardly think that him taking some time to himself to try and rest a little is grounds for me to rethink our entire future together.
He is an honest, hard working, red blooded American that helps to keep the streets that we walk down as safe as possible. Sometimes in our career of choice there are sacrifices. Really in ANY profession there are sacrifices that have to be made, and unfortunately, not everybody wins every time. Unfortunately it was our son's turn to loose. I find solace in the fact that it doesn't happen often.
I stated in the end of my post that I too was called in for duty on my regular off hours, so even I was unable to take my son trick or treatin'. Maybe he should be the one dumping me? I am just glad that I have grown kids that could do it for us.
I guess that I have defeated the purpose of posting here. I don't usually get defensive, and can except the reality of things, but this time my request for another's opinion turned into standing up for the very behavior that made me unhappy. Who knows, maybe your right. Maybe I should dump him while he is busting his a** to be w/ us, because he couldn't make one trick or treatin' date that I sprung on him w/ only a few hours notice. Maybe I should kick the no good SOB to the curb for working hard, and trying to support two families. Maybe I should let such a trivial incident keep my son from living in the same house as his dad instead of a broken home, and alter all of our futures so drastically because he is dedicated to his family, community, and occupation. Who know, you might be right.
I don't want to come across as angry, and I don't want to offend you. I guess that I just got an answer that I wasn't expecting. It's so strange though that is very out of character for me. You can ask tgr, and trtl I am usually very receptive to the advise of others, because half the time I don't know what I am doing in this whole A game. Thank you for taking time to answer my post. I hope that I didn't offend you. I just stated what I see as the facts, and also how I feel.
Kids are the highest priority in life.
i'd be mad as hell..but i'd hear him out...from learning some things about this "game" girl..i'd definately hear him out okay...there may be a reason.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Justice
Actually I don't think you have defeated the purpose (although I could have misread). You asked if you should be mad about it and people's reactions have made you realise that actually, no you shouldn't.
There is probably a good reason, even if it's just that he is trying to keep things as "painless" as possible at home before he goes. Judging by the W at hospital thing, I can't blame him for that - maybe W would have wanted to come too? I do think you should talk to him about it though.
You know this man, we don't. If you believe he's doing his best then that should be enough
D x
Thanks for your reply. I had to laugh out loud when you said she may have wanted to come trick or treatin' w/ us!
I do believe that he is trying his best and doing as much damage control as possible. I will bring the subject up w/ him, because it is bothering me a little, but I assure you that I WON'T be rethinking our future due to this episode.
Thanks again for your reply, it was helpful.
I'm glad her post made you defend your AP and your love for him.
Ok...well that makes more sense then.
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