should i cheat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
should i cheat?
2
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 10:17pm
Hello to all im new here. Ive been having a little problem. Like a lot of peeple is about cheating, and Im the one whos about to do it. Ive been with my bf for 5 1/2 yrs and we share a 4 yr old son. Before we had our son our relationship was good, but after i soon found out how much he dislikes kids.We got together young, I was 17 him 16. We dated for 3 mths then got pregnant. I was suprised he stayed with me, being young they usually leave. After our son he wouldnt hold him, or change him, feed him, you name it. Till this day he wont. A couple months after our son was born i noticed him acting different. He was working and i wasnt, and where he worked was alot of girls. He was a cook, and he had a uniform that would get extreamly greeasey. Well one day he went into work with a nice shirt and jeans carring his uniform with him, which he had never done before. I said something to him but he just yelled. A few months later my mother told me he had been talking to this one girl and she thought things were happening. The girl actually called my house and my bf answered. I didnt know who it was but i could hear his saying, "why do you want to talk to her". Then he handed me the phone, she told me she didnt want my bf that they were just friends and so on, of course i was confused, i had no idea what this girl was taling about. So i asked my bf what was going on, to this day he says nothing happened, that she called him at work and he called her house to see what she wanted, that was all. Theres nothing i can do but to believe him, i have no reason not to, and I really dont think anythign happened. Well now to my point. We have a good realtionship, were best friends and sometimes i think thats what he considers me. He tells me things over and over that i dont want to know, like how big womans breast are, and how much hed like to "do" them. We get along for the most part, but we do fight. We verbally abuse each other. Some days I hate him so much i could shoot him, and others not. Hes not all a bad guy, he spoils me, basicly whatever i want i get, he takes me places because i dont drive. I wish hed treat his son better. Ive been frineds with these two guys for 2 yrs. One of then actually came to my house and we were gonna have sex, but i chickened out. Now im talking to the other and i really want to but all i can thinks about is my bf. For the past couple months i havent wanted my bf to tuch me sexually. The sex is great, its just i want it with soneone else. I dont know if i should go ahead and do it, or not. 2 reasons i dont want to is beacuse i dont want to hurt him and if he finds out whats his reaction going to be. I dont know if hed cry and leave or go off the deep end. I cant picture myself without him, we've grown up together and id feel lost. I know i cant be greedy and have both. I really dont know what to do. Thanks to all that were patient and read this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 10:39pm
Hi Angie,

You are very young and need to still figure things out. It sounds as though you want to have an A because your BF has hurt you. Even though you and BF are best friends, he spoils you, etc., it is apparent that some of his behaviors and actions don't set right with you. The fact that he talks about other women's breasts and says he wants to "do them" does not help your self esteem, not to mention his seemingly indifference about your son. It appears that you feel having an A will help your self esteem and some how "get back" at your BF. While your BF has much blame here for you wanting an A, just read ALL these posts before you make a decision you may regret later. Many young ladies, such as yourself, enter A's to help their self esteem and end up with getting it even more damaged. In many cases where one has an A, instead of having one guy damaging their self esteem (the H or BF), now they have two (the SO and OM) who seem to diminish their self esteem. While there are some posts that seem to encourage A's instead of actually supporting those involved in them, many posts are of young women in anguish because their OM lie to them, don't contact them, and only contact them when they need or want something to benefit them only.

While your BF may or may not deserve you (and only you know the answer to that), you may want to reconsider having an A. There are other options that will allow you to keep you self esteem and self respect in tact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 11:11pm
HI Angie

I have to agree with Pen,don't jump into a A tell you at least can understand why your doing it.

I understand in some ways he is good to you but were it really counts your selfworth he is damaging you and the fact that you don't want him to touch you and are looking outside the R says that it is really bothering you more then you may be aware of.

If possable couples counceling may help , if he refuses you may want to consider a seperation to give him time to rethink his attitude.

In the long term if nothing works to fix the problems between you two ending the R may be the best option hard as I know that would be.

Your very young your not M to B/F you have better options then cheating and all the lieing and sneaking around that goes with it.

FREE