SHOULD I GIVE HIM THE PASSCODE?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
SHOULD I GIVE HIM THE PASSCODE?
7
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 12:49am
Well its me again,I have another problem, my H told me to day that he thinks im talking to someone again, he doesnt trust me because I wont give him my password to the internet and I wont give him my passcode to my cell phone. I told him that why do I need to give him my password to check messages that other people left for me and not for him, do you guys think that, its an invasion of my privacy to allow him to check those things,I really think that it's none of his buisness, but he said being in a marriage he should have access to those things, so now that I wont give it to him he's ready to move out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 7:27am
Personally, I think that your passwords/passcodes are your business, not his.
cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
&#16
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 8:52am
Hello Kismet,

I went back and read your history, and I have to say that I can totally relate to what you are saying, in that you hope you can get back to where you and your H were at one time.

That is exactly what I am working on in my M at the moment.

My H is aware that I had an A. So, the trust issue is certainly a huge factor for us right now as well. He wants total honesty and absolutely no secrets between us. He needs this for his own piece of mind.

It's been approximately 5 weeks since H found out about my A and subsequent break up with xMM.

I have been brutally honest with my H, even to the point that he knows about this board and has read all of my posts. He knows my yahoo mail password. I don't have a cell, so that is not an issue. Yes, he always needs to know my whereabouts, and very abnormal in our 20 year relationship, he began to ask me for timelines (how long will you be?)

This is not the way I want to live or for our M to be, however, I feel it necessary to give in to most of his requests, at least for a little while, until he feels he can trust me again, or until I earn his trust again. Maybe he will never trust me again, I don't know.

Rebuilding a M takes a lot of hard work, especially after a betrayal, and since I am the betrayer, I feel that I must do everything in my power to provide my H with the confidence that I am working and focusing on him.

Just my thoughts. I hope everything works out for you.

Take care

Red

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:13am
I agree with Red. Since his trust in you is shakey you need to do all you can do to help him regain that trust. If you are still seeing this OM you just have to make sure you erase all emails, empty your trash bin, and delete calls to him or from him from your cell phone.

On a another note if anyone knows about computers... When I have started a thread on here my title for some reason is remembered and will pop up in the subject line for email! I went to Word and checked my clipboard and it wasn't there so I don't know what to do about this. I haven't started a thread becuase of it. If anyone has any suggesttions of where this is lurking in my computer please let me know!

:)

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:18am
Kismet,

First of all, do you want your H to move out? It might solve a problem for you if you do..

However, if not, you are kind of in a tight spot. The cell phone I can understand your defense of; I do think it's over the line to ask for someone's password to be allowed to check their messages. Even if you suspect something, it's just rude and disrespectful. This isn't the 1800's, and he doesn't own you like property. If my W had asked for my cell password, I'd have told her to keep dreaming and turned it around on her.

But the internet password... well, if my W wants to use the internet she needs to be able to get online. That would seem really suspicious if I hadn't allowed her to go online. If you're just talking about the email password, I can kind of see it I guess.

You said "talking to someone again." If you have been, I'd suggest you really think about whether you want this M to work out. If you haven't, then you have an ace card in that you could decide to turn all of this over and sink his doubts.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:32am
Dee,

Go to Tools - Internet Options - Content

Click Autocomplete - then deselect the boxes there

Then apply

Take care

Red

PS To delete already stored entries, highlight the entry when it appears, then press delete.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:38am


Thank Red.

I did that and none of the boxes were selected. But I clicked apply anyway. I have hit the delete button before and it still came up. This is a new computer and I have to find my way around it yet. Thanks again!

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 2:18pm
Well thanks everyone for the advice, actually I am confused, I dont want him to leave but I want him to leave, so im very confused, as far as the passwords go , I feel like if he wants to get online, he has his own email, he dont need mine. And I told him I would give him my email password, because I dont have any guys emailing me period, but as far as the cell phone password goes, my OM leaves me messages all the time, so its very crucial I dont give him my password to that, also its none of his buisness i feel like he dont need to check my messages,he offers me his but I told him I dont want it , and I really dont because why do I need to check messages that where left for him, I mean come on. Also my OM thinks me and my H never got back togethier from before, so Im kinda in a bind. I think im gonna call nextel and tell them to remove my answering machine though, I feel like thats the best thing for now. thanks everyone again.