Should I Pursue This?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2009
Should I Pursue This?
19
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 2:09pm
I met a man over the summer, we've known each other for about 2 months... I'm 18, he's 36.. but could easily pass for 26. We met riding the same train to the city, and we began flirting. Now that I'm going to school in the city, I see him practically every day and we've exchanged phone numbers/contact info. We've just started to get "serious" about seeing each other, as more than just friends.. and actually want to start going on dates. So he came clean with me and told me that he's married, but he and his wife are going through a rough time, and he never wears his wedding band (hence a big sign why I bothered and continued to pursue him in the first place). I really like him and he really likes me, there's a lot of chemistry. But.. I've never done anything like this before.. I don't know whether to pursue this and essentially become the OW or if I should just leave it at friendship. Any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 3:55pm

You deserve so much more than

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 5:51pm

I have to agree with btdt. I dont know you, but if you are like alot of women at some point if you fall for him you are going to want more. I would go NC. I would say just be friends but when there is so much chemistry involved, the friends thing usually just doesnt work.


I dont want you to end up hurting like me and so many others on this board. It's such a rollercoaster of emotions and it gets painful after awhile when you want him all to yourself and he's not doing anything to make that happen. If he gets a D then maybe you can pursue the R. Until then, I wouldn't go forward with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2009
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 7:39pm
Thank you to the people who have posted advice so far. I don't know... part of me doesn't want to get involved because I'm so much younger and I may end up wasting my time on this guy who can't give me his full attention, and yet.. he's really the only guy I want to be with right now. I feel like we have something good going here and I don't want it to end. Not until there's a better reason for it to end. I honestly don't believe he wants both a married life AND me, I think he'd prefer if he could just be free to be with me.. he doesn't seem happy with the way his current married situation is going. It would be impossible not to just stay friends at least, because I see him every day, there's really no way around it.. we could never just ignore each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 9:49pm

I see you have made your decision already. Just be careful, you are very young and there is no need to go through the rollercoaster of emotions that these relationships bring. I hope it works out the way you want. Sometimes it does and sometimes not. Keep your options open.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 10:50am

>> I think he'd prefer if he could just be free to be with me.. he doesn't seem happy with the way his current married situation is going.<<

I totally agree with caribu. You seem to have made up your mind already but if you actually go through the EAS and AAS boards, you will see hundreds of posts of women just like you who thought that their MM had bad marriages and the MMs wanted to be with them. If you have never had the lines put on you, it is easy to fall under the spell.

He might very well be the one in 1000 that is genuinely going to leave his M as "he and his wife are going through a rough time" so to cover your own emotional wellbeing, why cant you be friends until the time he actually separates from her and then you will be free to indulge to your hearts content?

Good Luck.

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 12:10pm

Hi Bittersweet,


I'm not that much older than you but a couple of years and let me tell you... get out while you still have time! My AP is in his mid thirties too and you know what?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 1:36pm

As a man in his 50s, I cannot see a friendship with someone

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 5:18pm

My sister has wasted two years of her life on someone who is married (AND expecting his first child next month).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2009
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 5:33pm

your 18....why would

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 7:20pm

Bittersweet,


Please don't let these posts scare you away from posting on this board. I don't think that is the intention of many of these ladies.


You said, "Not until there's a better reason for it to end."


Is him being married not a good enough reason?

 

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