Should I Pursue This?
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Should I Pursue This?
| Sun, 09-20-2009 - 2:09pm |
I met a man over the summer, we've known each other for about 2 months... I'm 18, he's 36.. but could easily pass for 26. We met riding the same train to the city, and we began flirting. Now that I'm going to school in the city, I see him practically every day and we've exchanged phone numbers/contact info. We've just started to get "serious" about seeing each other, as more than just friends.. and actually want to start going on dates. So he came clean with me and told me that he's married, but he and his wife are going through a rough time, and he never wears his wedding band (hence a big sign why I bothered and continued to pursue him in the first place). I really like him and he really likes me, there's a lot of chemistry. But.. I've never done anything like this before.. I don't know whether to pursue this and essentially become the OW or if I should just leave it at friendship. Any advice?

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"So he came clean with me and told me that he's married, but he and his wife are going through a rough time,"
Sooooooo, going out with you (having sex with you) is going to help him get through this "rough time" how? Is that the type of guy you want to be with? This guy is handing you such a crock. He wants sex.
Do not give yourself to this man. You are worth SO MUCH MORE.
Next time you see him, if you MUST, call his bluff. Smile sweetly and tell him you'll be happy to "date" and start your life together when he's divorced. I'll bet you won't have to worry about seeing him on the train anymore.
It has been said so many times before, Bitter, that support comes in many different forms.
You asked for advice. Did you really think people were going to tell you to jump into this? You have your whole life ahead of you....and you have the noble, honorable goal of saving yourself. Are you saving yourself for your husband when you decide to marry or just the right man? (no judgement here). What a wonderful gift to be able to give that man.
Don't take a chance and waste it on this man who is already married to another woman. You say you aren't going to have sex. Bitter, I would bet the farm on it that he has different ideas. He's more mature, more worldly, and the next thing you know....
I think you just hit a nerve here because of your age. People want to spare you a tremendous amount of heartache.
You are JUST out of high school. This man is married. Does he have children? Do you even know? I would not be at all surprised if he has little ones at home. Raising young kids can certainly cause "rough" times in a marriage.
I didn't mean to offend you. Sorry if I did.
Please be careful.
Bittersweet,
No one can tell you what to do.
I don't normally post on this board, but I had to with this one. Please, please, please consider telling him that you are free to date him when he comes to you with divorce papers in his hand. If his marriage is that terrible then he will get divorced and you will be free to be together. Then you will know he is honorable and his marriage is really that terrible. There are people who have the best intentions and plan on divorcing and end up not being able to go through with it.
Maybe he has honorable intentions, but as many people already have said it is also very likely that he does not. I made the huge mistake of trusting people I shouldn't have when I was your age. I had no idea how terrible some men could be to try to get that one prize especially when no-one else has had it before. That makes the prize that much bigger. Some men will honestly tell you anything you want to hear. When someone told me something I believed them. I had one guy go through all these things to purposely build trust with me (even playing games like covering my eyes while I was driving because I needed to trust him.) This guy told me everything I wanted to hear and then he got what he wanted and was gone.
Please, please protect yourself. You have something very special and I think it is wonderful that you are going to give it to someone who you know loves you more than anything and anyone else in the world. It would be awesome if you could give it to someone who is freely available to you and can give you all the love and time that you deserve.
I just wish someone would have said this to me when I was 18.
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