should I stay or should I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
should I stay or should I go?
2
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 2:03am
I am a MW having an affair with a MM. This has been going on for a few years. Neither one of us is unhappy in our marriage, this started when I went through a divorce a 5 yrs. ago. We both understand that this is just about the sex. However lately after we have had one of our "meetings" it takes him sometime to call or page me. We do work together but we have always maintained a professional relationship at work. When he does decide to call he acts as if nothing is wrong and no time has passed. He has a very stressful job and at times I feel as though I should not question him. I would say we do care a great deal for each other but by no means are we in love. I feel as though I do not have the strength to break it off because all it takes is one look and a little attention and right back I go. I guess what my question is, is how can I remain strong enough to break it off when I have to face him day to day.

Any advice I would be more than happy to hear!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 8:13am
G'd mornin' Summer...first of all might I suggest you sit down and seriously figure out what exactly you want out of this A...is it really just sex? You must first define what your real expectations are for this relationship because it seems like you're saying one thing and feeling another. You're saying its only about sex and it's not about love at all which seems reasonable but you must admit to yourself that it's more than just sex otherwise you wouldnt be stressing yourself out with his few days of cave time or whatever you wish to call it. Once you define your expectations of the relationship I suggest you share your needs with your MM, if he can't meet them or compromise with you on them then whats the use of having the relationship? You have some very important questions to find the answers to, but all the answers are within yourself...best of luck to you *hugs*

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 9:05am
hey summer, i wholeheartedly agree with liberal. she hits it on the head when she posted about your conflicting statements/feelings. i too got that from your post.

if the A really is about sex and you're tired of working the R, tell MM, in the nicest possible way, of course, that you want NC except professionally at your workplace.

if the A is about the sex and the hurt feelings because of MM's "cave time" (nice one, lib!), talk to MM about how you feel when he doesn't contact you for days at a time and let MM know what you need. if you continue the R or not, be honest and communicate with MM about your needs. even if he's soooo busy with his work, you deserve a phone call.

good luck,

gurl