Should I tell?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Should I tell?
5
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 2:55am
I'm new here and new to this. I have read through many of the posts and was hoping maybe someone can help me here.

I was seeing this guy for about 5 years (age 15 - 20). We then broke it off over a year ago. He went to work full time, got a girlfriend, and bought a house. I left for college and started to date around... a lot (making up for lost time I guess). But that's not the thing.

After our break up a lot of hurt feelings and bitter mouths got the best of us. We tried to remain friends for about 6 months on and off afterwards, but then I just stopped talking to him. Then about a week before finals started he IMs me. So I decided to be nice and respond. Started out just chit chat, like what we were up to. Then after about a week of that he asks to talk face to face. So I invited him to my dorm (which is less than a 30 minute drive from my home town). Well we talked for a few hours then one thing led to another. We continued chatting online, but when I came home for winter break he's always wanting to see me. Not just for sex, but to just talk or to be with me. We talk more now than we did when we were dating, and are more open and honest with each other. He also can't keep his hands off me. He has to hug me or kiss me or touch me. He says he thinks a lot about me... so yeah all sounds great to maybe we just needed time apart and now we can try again, but he still has his girlfriend.

His girlfriend is a known cheat to begin with. I went to high school with her so I know her. I also know that she has been lieing to him because I over heard her and one of her friends talking one time when she didn't know I was there. I also know she is still very much a flirt behind his back and pretty sure she is cheating. I have confronted him about her, and he just says I can't say anything nice about her... well if there was something nice to say I would. It's not like he trusts her cause he gets tested monthly and keeps a close eye on his credit cards.

Since we started seeing each other again he has taken a step back with his gf, she now sleeps in a different room. The thing is is that I have some proof that he's been seeing me behind her back, but I also don't want to mess up any relationship I may have with him. I'm not sure if he's keeping her around as a front so people don't question about him and I (a lot of people including our families are against us seeing each other), and maybe the fact she pays half the bills... or is he's just playing me (which he says he isn't... he even said he would stop all physical relationship to keep our friendship).

So I'm not sure if I should tell her about him and me, or just wait it out and see what happens. I can wait it out, but like I told him as long as she's there I will continue dating and seeing other guys(which I have and it made him jealous) and I told him that I won't wait around for him if I do fine someone I want to get serious with.

If you can give me some advice it would be great. thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 8:28am
HI Boo

A quick response.

Stay out of her way.

Keep dateing

Remember if he will play games on her he will do it on you to.

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 10:15am
boo -- do you want to date this guy exclusively? do you want to pursue a future with him? if the answer is "no" or "i don't know" to either question, break off all physical contact with him. be his friend, but that's all.

you're very young (i know, i know, i sound like your mom -- that's because i am a mom!) and you've already spent 5 years with this guy and have only been apart for what a year. honey, live your life, have fun, date all the cute guys out there! don't limit yourself to someone who doesn't put you FIRST! it's as simple as that!!

good luck,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 10:18am

Whether you cut if off or not, his relationship with his gf is *his* business, and telling on him will only perpetuate old HS soap opera games. A *known* cheat??? So's the guy you're screwing!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:53am
i love "chew toy" -- OMG, it's my new FAVORITE reference!! thanks, naughty!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:54am
No, you shouldn't tell.