Should I tell him?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Should I tell him?
5
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 5:02pm
I posed this question in the chat room and I thank all of you who have answered it. I thought I would get even more response here. OK here goes.... MM ended our A back in Dec but continued to flirt with me then go cold. So I confronted him about it and over a glass or two of wine he said "D i have deep feelings for you deeper than you probably even realize" I was so shocked since I didn't expect anything from the convo that all I could do was hug him...well we then kissed and well I never said anything back, mainly because I suppose I wasn't sure how I felt about him since he had forced me to go back to a friend mode. Well since then he told me a love song reminds him of me and there was one statement while we were talking about business where he said "As much as I love you ...no you can't do that". SO since then (two months) he hasn't said another thing. I feel he has also been much buisier than usual (confirmed through the asst.) but not sure how to take the "busy" reasons. ANy way I am thinking of telling him I HAVE deep feelings, but I'm worried it may be too little too late. He really hasn't given me reasons to think that just that I haven't heard anything more from him.

what do I do?

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to:
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:48pm
Dee,

You know my thoughts on this, as we've discussed in chat, but I am going to reiterate:

Life is way too short, NOT to tell someone that has made a positive impact on your life, that you have deep feelings or even Love them.

It doesn't matter what the response is. It doesn't matter if they don't tell you the same thing.

Telling someone that you love them, usually makes them feel good, which is the point!

Honey, just tell him... He deserves to know, and then it is off your chest, and whatever the response, YOU know that HE knows.

It's worth it - whatever the cost!

Take care

Red

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:44am
Thanks Red, yeah I know what you say, but everytime I envision myself doing it I get nervous. I think I don't want to do anything to "freak" him out. I guess I posted this so I could get some pro's AND con's to doing it. I wouldn't use the "L" word, I think with us if that develops I would rather HIM say it first

thanks again

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to:
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:39pm
DD- I told my MM (via email) something I wanted to tell him (i am sick)and by doing so, I ended up telling him how I felt about him. However, I prefaced in my email stating I did not want anything from him. One of the things I told him was he was wonderful and then again, to 'guard' myself and look like I did not want anything from him, I told him that I hoped he heard that ( meaning he is wonderful) at home every day. Who knows about that... I needed to give the illusion that I respect his home life. I guess there was/is a part of me that hoped he was/is not hearing that at home so knowing someone he is attracted to DOES, may make him feel good and appreciated.

Anyhow- I know that our R has changed. I'm not sure if it is due to me telling him I am sick or me telling him how I feel about him. I NEVER used the "L" word- nor did I want to. I just wanted to tell him he was special, etc. It hurts that I believe whatever we had is over, but I do not regret what I did. Maybe only regret that I did it this early on in our R. ( about 2 months)

I agree with Red. Life is too short not to let people know they are cared for. And yes, you run the chance of getting hurt or being happy. But NEVER, EVER be afraid of your feelings.

Good luck- I will think lf you and keep reading on how you are doing with this.

<>>

V.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 7:46am
Thanks V

I overthink this just like everything else in this relationship. When he told me that night he had deep feeling for me (eyes were a little red and "moist") we had had a couple small glasses of wine, so he was uninbited. I feel like I need some wine to have the courage to tell him! I was just so shocked at how he looked when he said it and the fact that he said that! I have read on this board so many times about how their OM LOVED them and all the wonderful things he said and then he turned cold. Who am I to think my situation is any different. Especially since he ended it pretty easily last time less then a week after he professes to have had this "deep feeling" revelation! He said the last time that we were together he felt some really strong feelings, to me it was really nice but we didn't have a lot of time so it wasn't like we talked and shared or anything. Maybe that scared him, I dont' know. So I wonder if since I haven't said anything, although my actions and some words speak volumes of how I feel, maybe he has talked himself out of it? I don't know, I'm overthinking again and I will tell him I have feelings for him when the time feels right. In other words, when we are in one of our snuggle times after love making.... sigh Hope to see him this week! He leaves a week from Friday for two weeks :(

dd

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 9:08am
NOw see like this morning, I called him because we tried to get together last week and no go,so I am feeling really "amourous" today so I wanted to let him know. We talked and even though it started out sexy, he turned it to another subject, then it went back to sexy then back to business. The call dropped and I called him back, got his vm saying he couldn't come to the phone (today that would mean he isn't picking up since he was in his car) so I just said "Ill call you in a couple days...bye" He was going to be home this morning waiting for phone calls...so I don't get it. It is these kind of days that I dont' feel like telling him how i feel is such a good idea! Last time we had a dropped call like this HE called ME right back....


I just dont' know

dd