Should I tell his wife?

Avatar for jessi92346
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
Should I tell his wife?
34
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 11:21pm
Hi everybody. im hoping to get some advice about my situation. i have been seeing a married man on and off for about three years. He's 20 years my senior and I am 20 years old. I just mhad a beautiful baby girl two months ago, and he is the father. I never expected him to leave his wife for me. he has three children the youngest being a 14 year old girl. He always said he had to stay with his wife even though he dioesn't love her because he needs to be around his daughter. i never bought the "i'm staying for the kids" story, but i liked being with him and knew that sex was the only thing we had in common although I have to admit I loved him tremendously and still do . well, the affair is over, and i've decided that i want to raise my baby on my own, and i don't want anyone to know she was a product of our affair. he has agreed to this. but i feel guilty about everything. everytime i see my daughter i am reminded of how it is my fault she will never have a father. I am so angry that he agreed to my decision so easily. what kind of man would just give up his daughter like that? one who doesnt want to get caught by his wife, i guess. well, tonite i called his house for the first time. his wife answered, and i hung up. i don't know what possessed me to call. i was going to tell her everything. but i couldn't bring myself to do it. if i have to suffer the guilt and shame for what i've done then he should have to too, right? someone tell me if im right or wrong. doesn't she deserve to know?

jessi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 8:16am
Juliet,

As an advocate the best thing I learned was create your paper trail.I agree with Laurie.Get the papers drwan up.Then tell her he's being served.

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 8:52am
Jessi, I am so glad you are taking responsibility. So many young women would freak out, not ask for help, and who knows what would happen to them. Sounds like you are mature enough to know the reality of the situation and what the future holds for you. I am here for you if you need a sounding board. (As far as not using a condom because he told you he was sterile....well, I would have made him use one anyway with the risk of STD's and all...but that's in the past. Just my two cents worth.)

(((HUGS)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:02am
I'm a BS who lurks like thousands of other people. Technically, we're not allowed to post here, but I just had to chime in that ANY wife who would give Jessie a hard time with this deserves to be taken out and shot along with her H. A 17-year-old is too young and malleable for a 37-year-old man. I mean, I believe that she probably fell in love and that would be very easy for a 17-year-old to do in this situation, but I have no doubt that the MM took advantage of the innocence and lack of experience Jessie had at that time in her life. I think his intentions were nefarious. Now this guy has a 14-year-old daughter, and I'm not saying that he would ever touch his daughter, but that daughter, I'm sure, has a lot of teenage friends that hang out and the house, and I think that if this guy likes to go after young girls, his daughter's friends are at great risk.

Just my humble opinion...

Georgie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 5:16pm

Georgie,


I'm way off with this thread now... but I just felt the need to post to you.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

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