shy during sex with MM, Help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
shy during sex with MM, Help!!!
8
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:05am
Hey everybody, well i just wanted everyone to know that MM and i are still seeing each other. We had a 2 hour conversation on the phone a few days ago and i realized i was just jumping to conclusions. MM never told me it was over b/c in his eyes it wasnt. He just has alot of issues right now concerning alot of things and he just needed his cooling off period basically from everyone. Ok, here's my question and i am kinda embarassed to post this but like all of yall know, mm and i have been together for a year 1/2 and we basically have fallen in love with each other. My problem is everytime even after being with MM for so long i still get shy during sex, dont get me wrong i love being intimate with MM but everytime we start getting into the heavy kissing and it starts to go into the sex part i just get shy. I am a conversative person in the bedroom, i like the old-fashion sex but i also like to show my wild and crazy side in not being such a conservative person. MM made the comment why we were on the subject of sex, that i dont do alot of things and i basically feel he was trying to tell me he wants to get buck wild with him and i am dealing with that really hard. I want to kiss every square inch of MM's body and i want to go south and just get freaky but something is holding me back even though it doesnt help the issue either when you are in a small compact truck and there's not alot of room to roam around in. Basically i know i pleasure MM but when we leave from seeing each other i want MM to be like god that was great and have it in his mind all day long. Between the few hours we get together, there's just no time to get all hot and sweaty with each other. But i know i need to do something b/c i certainly dont wont him to go get it elsewhere. So i know this is really a crazy question and i am sure some of yall are thinking"what", but i need advice please. MM and I are probably going to see each other this week on his day off and i want to satisfy him and surprise him. I want MM to see that i do have that intense passion for him and i want to make him happy and please him. I dont have this issue with H even though it's just nothing but sex with H, but i can get all pornofied with him but not with MM. I think maybe i get all nervous and shy with him is b/c MM has this image of me and i dont wont to make him think otherwise. Just like every woman on this board i get horny and i want to strip his clothes off and go at it like two stallions lol! Anyways, thank you for reading this crazy post and i hope i hear from yall with some advice or suggestions. Take care
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 2:35am

hmmmm... georgiapeach... really don't think I can help out here... I actually used to have this problem with my DH... and in some small way... still do.


DH wanted to do all these things and while I did too... I would just find an excuse to put him off all the time.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:13am
georgia

I have the opposite problem I suppose. I can get more erotic and funky with mm than with H. I guess that is what my motivation was for an A in the first place. I have NEVER felt intimate or a deep connection sexually with my H. As a matter of fact I believe I have pulled mm out of HIS sexual shell! I have never acted in bed with anyone like I have with MM. I have a question... do you and mm ever talk sexy to each other over the phone or in email/text? I find this builds things up for us. I started talking "dirty" to mm over the phone to get him aroused so he would MAKE time to see me. It carried over to the bedroom and we have also had phone sex. He seemed to be shy about it at first, but is a real pro now. Maybe you could start with that? Next time he calls say "you know what?" And when he says "what"? Say " I want to __________ with/to you" Or whatever you want to do to him! Use sex words too...not I want to rip your clothes off and kiss you all over. Use THE words if you know what i mean!

Try it!

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:51am
I know how you feel. I used to feel that way, too. Unfortunately, my h didn't allow very open lines of communication where that was concerned, so I was unable to show that side of myself with him. SO, on the other hand, is extremely supportive and encouraging of it, yet very patient, too. Because of so many years of being shot down and made to feel wierd about it, I'm now hesitant to try things I want to do and that I *KNOW* he'll like. Not real sure why, since I know it will be met with enthusiasm, lol. Slowly but surely I'm getting better about experimenting. Here's what I've learned:

1) Communication is key. I told SO that this was what I was wanting to do, but that I felt awkward and wierd about it. That's all he needed to know and he's been a prince about it ever since. He's never asked me to do anything, just accepts what I want to do.

2) Research what you want to do. There's a great board on here - Taboos - which can help you with ideas, information, confidence, etc. Sometimes, just talking about some of this stuff has eased my discomfort enough to feel better about trying it.

3) Communication is key. Let him know you're nervous.

4) Take it slow and do only what YOU want to do. Time enough later to do stuff you're not sure about but willing to do for his sake. That's a sweet thought, but in terms of helping you past this hump, start with things you really want to do, anyway, but are just too nervous to.

5) Communication is key. Tell him you're not sure you know what you're doing, but that you really want to and could he help you by letting you know what feels good.

6) Like I tell my kids...exude confidence, even if you don't feel it, because ACTING confident will sometimes cause the feeling to follow.

7) Have I mentioned that communication is important???? :-)

Good luck!

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 9:24am
Maybe the men here can address this better than myself, but I don't think I have ever heard a man say, "Wow, she was just too sexual in the bedroom! I didn't like it." I think they can appreciate a woman who is a lady in public, and a goddess in the bedroom.

Just relax, keep in mind this is the one place where you both can be totally free. It's a very erotic space you are sharing with him, take pleasure in pleasuring him, the turn on for him will be KNOWING you are enjoying his body. Don't hold back because of a who you are outside the bedroom, free yourself and enjoy him, and allow him to enjoy you. Let him know what you like, what feels good.

If nothing else, it will feed his ego....he will end up thinking, "Man, she is so conservative outside the bedroom, but a real tiger in bed. I guess I turn her on!"

Relax, and enjoy each other!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 9:36am
Hi Georgia,

Just wanted to try to add the male two cents here.

I agree with what everyone has said about communication. My W and I had okay communication about sex at first, and did have a brief period of adventure, but gradually it just sort of withered to vanilla sex whenever I felt like begging. It was drive, not the actual sex, that became a problem.

I wanted to add something for you to consider. As men, particularly if we have some experience being adventurous and probably if we're a little bit older than our early 20's, I think we will tend to be a little more patient and a little less anxious. For my part, at 32, there are things I've done that my OW hadn't and wanted to try. One of the most erotic and wonderful things that has ever happened was for her to simply undress, put her arms around me, and tell me she was in my hands... asking me to teach her, that if I'd be patient and talk her through it that she'd do whatever I asked.

Understand that part of that comes from our relationship being a D/s one, but she was very happy to simply give herself to me, and nothing could be more arousing than being asked to "teach" the woman I love something new. That trust she put in me was far more important than the sex she was having with me, and it was also much more meaningful. It made me extremely attentive and sensitive to every little noise, every tense muscle and every sigh. I really felt like I was responsible for her, and I still do.

I think if you consider this and find that some level of it that works for your mindset, simply asking your MM to teach you will encourage his ego, his arousal, and also create a strong trust bond between you. Of course, this only works if he is someone you believe will be sensitive and careful with you.

Good luck

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 5:20pm
I can somewhat sympathize with what you are going through...although I am not shy about 'doing' sexual things with my MM (we do anything and everything and I love every minute of it) my problem is talking sexual or dirty to him...he says things to me all of the time and I find it so hard to say it back...I feel embarrassed even though I shouldn't be...and it isn't just with MM either...it has been with all previous relationships...I think my MM would drop dead of a heart attack if I ever came out with something like "I want you to **** me" while we were in bed...if I ever do say anything to him it is because he says "do you want me to **** you?" and I would say yes...he says well, tell me and then I might say it. I don't know why this is so hard to say...I feel it and can picture myself saying it but the words are so hard to get out.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 9:28am
Unexpected

Try doing it over the phone first. You can cringe and he won't ever see it! Practice first saying it out loud so you can hear your own voice saying it first. Practice where you put the inflection too. I never talk dirty to H and never have talked dirty to anyone else in my life. But with MM I was so physically drawn to him and knew I wanted to do things with him I don't want to with H that I had a stronge desire to talk dirty to him. So I said things out loud (while totally alone of course). Also the first thing I said to him was while he was on top and we were not looking at each other, I said "You feel so good, **** ME!" Now I can look him in the eye and say it! You have to take baby steps with this if it is something you're not used to.

good luck!

:)

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 1:45pm
Hi Georgia,

You said that you're in a "small compact truck." Is there anyway at all to get a hotel room? If you're feeling the least bit inhibited, being scrunched up in a truck with the possibility of being caught can't help! I realize it won't be possible every time you meet, but once a month or so you might try to spring for a room. That way you can relax, set the mood by turning down the lights and really be free to explore each other's bodies. Or if that's not at all possible, maybe find a secluded place where you can put a blanket on the ground. My MM and I usually meet in a car and we have done some pretty outrageous things there but I'm never 100% comfortable. There's nothing like having a whole bed to stretch out in and a private room to be completely naked in!

Good luck to you!

Jess