Sick of feeling like a crutch...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Sick of feeling like a crutch...
8
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:37pm
I'm alittle sick and tiard of feeling like a crutch to my SM. No, we have never been physical, but the attraction for one another is very obviouse. I guess you could call this more of an emotional A. We have been friends on and off for 9 years. His wife left him recently and I've been his crutch for the past few months, trying to help him get through it all, but honestly...I think my reasons for helping him get through this crappy time of his life are purely selfish on my part, considering I've been waiting for this day for a long time, meaning his seperation, and now that its here I feel as if I'm being used emotionally and strung along to believe that maybe we have a slight chance to be more then just friends, that is " if " his wife decides to file for D.. I'm sure I see heartbreak in the future for me, because I've let myself get to attached to him emotionaly, but for some stupid reason I can can't seem to stop talking to him. I hate this feeling for helplessness. I hate myself for wanting him as much as I do...and sometimes I even hate him for ever coming into my life.

I'm sorry this is so depressing...I'm just feeling sorry for myself and needed to vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 12:36pm
the support is overwhelming...:oP
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 12:40pm
yeah, that's what I say!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 12:57pm

Superfly...it's been a little slow around here lately. You'd think with the holidays...we'd be here a bit more

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 1:24pm
Well I will be single at the beginning of the year, but thats a whole nother situation..lol My boyfriend and I decided to call it quits, and no, its not because of this emotional relationship I'm having with this OM. My current bf is several years younger then me, and I'm looking for more in my life at this stage, and hes not, so therefor we are calling it quits on mutual terms.There's of course way more to this story, but that belongs to another board..lol :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 1:34pm
I've got time...fill me in ;oP
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 3:38pm
I dont know where to start...:oP


I'll try and keep this simple...My boyfriend and I have been together for aprox. 3 years now, we have been living together for 1 year. We have a good relationship, except for the fact that I turned 30 this year and he's 23 :oP. Since, Ive turned 30 things have changed for me emotionaly and realized that I really need more from this relationship, and he cant give me more. So therefor, we both made the choice to call it quits. We will always be friends, but realisticly we both know that this isnt going to last through the long haul. He wants to finish school, he has no plans on marrying me or have any children with me anytime in the near future, and I feel as if my clock is ticking and I dont want to sit and wait for him to " MAYBE " change his mind, because that would be unfair to me, and he agrees with that. So this isn't a drama filled break-up, just being realistic about the relationship and the future. So we agreed that after the holidays he will be the one to be moving out.

As far as my OM goes....:o/ Well I wouldn't even really consider him the OM, he's more of just a friend to me, but we are VERY much emotionally in tune with one anothers feeling for eachother, but we wont act on them, just talk about them. But lately our friendship has been put on the back burner because his wife left him, but his wife is also very confused and doesnt know if she want's to work things out with him, so therefor I've been more of a crutch to him lately, because he doesnt know where he stands with his wife. BTW, we have been friends on and off for aprox 9 years. So I know his in's and out's of his married life. I guess, I'm always somewhat living on the hope that mabe one day we will be together, dont get me wrong. I havent been sitting her for 9 years and pawning over him, that has only been going on for the past couple years. I know where I stand with him, but sometimes refuse to see the big picture. I guess thats why they say...Love is Blind.

Superfly

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 4:28pm

I see. Isn't there a book "Surviving my Boyfriends Divorce" or something like that? I haven't read it, but maybe it will have some advice for you. I will be turning 30 next year..but am on the otherside of the coin. I got everything too early. Met my husband in my teens, married in my early 20's, first baby at 24, second baby at 27. And now I sit with the realization that I've never been a "single" adult. Never had the types of relationships that come with being an independant adult. My kids are my whole world, and the reason I stay in a "one-sided" marriage...yes I read the "stay in it for the children thread"...but easier said than done.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 5:04pm
Well I dont think they only stay for their kids, but I think 80% of it is money too.

If all women or men had the money to get out of an unhappy marrige.....they would. But they have set a lifestyle for themselves and dont want to have to give that up. So basically they choose money over love.

But hey, if it works for them, more power to them. If we were all the same, life would be boring.