The Side I didn't Know

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
The Side I didn't Know
5
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 7:50am
So, i went to the camp out last weekend, and AP was there, with his wife. She actually talked to me! I couldn't believe it! Last i knew, by the way AP talked, she hated me. I asked AP if her talking to me meant she didn't hate me anymore, and he told me to ask her myself...wtf! What a cop out answer. At dinner, he admitted to drinking hard liquor all day long, which was a surprise for me to hear. I never knew him to drink like that, in all the years i've known him. My guard is up, now. I dont know what to think. And a good friend to both of us told me he was drinking all weekend to deal with having to be with his wife. Well, if thats how he's going to deal with his wife, i am wondering what else i dont know about him. And then i got to thinking, probably the only reason his wife talked to me is cuz she was tipsy or something. Why else would she talk to me? She has no reason to. She hasn't talked to me in almost two years. And to hear her put on that phony voice and pretend she is interested in my life, made me dislike her even more. And to sit there and watch and listen to her tell Ap what he can or cannot eat at dinner, is to me, some form of control For God's sakes, he's 44 y.o! And also she announced to the group how he talked about my cooking all week and how he couldn't wait to eat some. Everyone else there was cheating on their diets cuz it was a weekend of fun and relaxation. It only comes once a year, this camp out. But i did notice he didn't listen to her about the food issue and ate whatever he felt like it. Other than dinner, most of the time i ignored the two of them and went about my business of having fun with my friends. It was more important for me to have fun and relax than to think about AP and his wife. And seeing the two of them together went down exactly how i imagined.
But i didn't think about alcohol being a part of it, and as i am not a drinker at all, i dont know what to think about his drinking. All I know is, it really bothers me he did that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 8:08am
Yeah, I don't blame you for that bothering you. My father was an alcoholic, and I think I always avoided anyone who seemed to turn to drinking to cope, for whatever reason. I always took it to mean that if times got rough, they would use it as an excuse to drink, and there's never any good results from that. It's good that you saw this behavior - at least you're forewarned of a possible problem.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 12:50pm

Hi emscemily,


From my perspective, who wouldn't drink if they were stuck at an event like this with both their W and their AP?!

~vanillabeanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 6:23pm
Yeah, I'm with you on the drinking part. My XAP is a drinker but thinks he doesn't have a problem just because he gets up and goes to work everyday like he should and does his job....he is what I call a "functional" alcoholic, but an alcoholic all the same. When we first hooked up, HE was the one who made an issue about how he "cut back" on his drinking and I had never asked him to, but he's the one who felt he needed to when he was with me ( I'm also a VERY limited drinker) but then he would throw that in my face about ME making a big deal about his drinking. He would always tell me the reason he drank so much before we hooked up and the times we weren't together was so he could deal being with his wife at home, but when he wasn't with her, he still drank as much. The minute he would get off work, he'd have to either head straight to the bar or home and pop a cold one and he would down that first drink like it was a glass of water without even taking a breath. The minute he was feeling guilty or having a hard time dealing with the financial part of his leaving, he'd have to drink.....truth of the matter is, he will drink if he's mad, if he's sad, if he's happy, if he's stressed....it doesn't matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 8:04pm
I had no idea he liked to drink like that. But i also have to remember that as often as i see him, i dont see him drinking. And that is what has me believing his behavior towards me all the time is genuine rather than alcohol induced. And my nose is pretty keen, i would have smelled it and he knows that. And yes, to me it is a side i didn't know about. I knew he liked to party in his younger years. And i have seen him drink an occasional glass of wine. But his drinking all weekend threw me for a loop. I had no idea.... I will see him saturday and will tactfully bring up the past weekend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 2:13pm
I guess more than anything it hurts to see our loved ones going thru their hurt and trying to let go by drinking.You may want to check if he has depression due to stress.Men usually try to close themselves to figure out stuff but thats an easy way to going into depression.Try to talk him out of it.Giving support is one thing but making him talk it out is another,kwim?Us women talk it out to anyone who comes by but when guys shut themselves out or drown in drinking,they need help which they dont ask for but definately need for returning to normal.Dealing with his W must be tough for him.