Sigh

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Sigh
6
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 5:46pm
I am a married woman who was not ready for it to be over. He is single. We are in our mid 40's. Things going well for about 5 months, and he was very happy, so was I. I am not sure what happened, I think he was asked about me because in the course of 17 days, he was introduced to someone online by a friend, met her for the first time 9 days later, and the next day told me he was having a moral crisis, told me he wished my marriage was over, wanted me single because he wanted more, and said he did not want to be the cause of my marriage ending, he told me he saved every single message I had ever sent him from the start of the affair. Then he said he needed some time. I flat out asked him to tell me he did not love me. He could not do it, and I already knew the truth, his face did not lie. So after our last meeting, I sent him a message that I loved him and would not be contacting him again (I have not) that was about 2 weeks ago. Three days after the last email, her status shows them in a relationship. I did a little checking, she has been divorced a year, lives about 2 hours from him, has a child, and this is her first relationship after the divorce. Seven days after the status change he is meeting her family. This is so out of character for him, I am beyond figuring out what he is thinking and honestly my ego is a little bruised. We saw each other once or twice a week, and talked daily, sometimes for hours. We always were together in his home. My husband is away often for his job and my kids are older, I have one left at home and when he is gone, I do not see my marriage lasting. Anyway, I am just trying to figure out what is going through this other man's head. I almost can't even be angry about it because it happened so out of the blue and so quickly. I guess I am just looking for another perspective. He and I are not 20 something, and I just do not believe he or I could shut off our feelings on a dime.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: smiling_at_u
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 7:41pm

He could be someone who tries to distract himself from the pain of losing a relationship by throwing himself into another relationship. I know I'm like that - always have been, since high school. The "rebound" relationship was never a good one - how could it be when my heart was elsewhere? But it did help to distract me.

I think in some cases the rebound R actually becomes a good one, but the odds are against it. In any case, he does deserve to try to find someone available to him, a real relationship that he doesn't have to hide.

I'm also in an A with a single guy. I know he might find someone someday. I'm hoping he does, for his sake.

I'd let your AP go, and not contact him anymore. You should let him heal from the hurts he's undoubtedly feeling, and let him get over you. It's the kindest thing you could do for him.

By the way - welcome to MAS!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: smiling_at_u
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 8:07pm
I don't think he shut off his feelings on a dime. I don't think it's that at all. I think he was lonely and buried his pain somewhere's else. This is how he's coping. Maybe you could try to get in touch with him to find out his reasons. Talking could help. I wish I had more to offer.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
In reply to: smiling_at_u
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 8:18pm
Well, that's what I thought...a rebound or something. I won't contact him, but the truth is that if he contacts me, I would take him back in a heartbeat....very selfish I know. I do want him to be happy with someone, I just know she is not the one. I know him well and have known him for many years, long before we started seeing each other....so I will have a broken heart and wait and see what happens I guess. What tangled webs we weave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: smiling_at_u
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 8:50pm
Honestly I don't believe in rebound relationships. I don't think they exhist. It's a coined term.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
In reply to: smiling_at_u
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 3:45pm

Hi Lex,


We both have AP's that are single but doesn't it bother you that theres that potential of him finding another? I agree with you that "it's the kindest thing we could do for them". Letting him go and be happy.


I wish for him to find someone that's available. I wish him all that's beautiful, but it hurts

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: smiling_at_u
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 8:33pm
Sometimes it bothers me Rayne but other times I think I would just be really happy for him.

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