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| Tue, 08-10-2010 - 5:46pm |
I am a married woman who was not ready for it to be over. He is single. We are in our mid 40's. Things going well for about 5 months, and he was very happy, so was I. I am not sure what happened, I think he was asked about me because in the course of 17 days, he was introduced to someone online by a friend, met her for the first time 9 days later, and the next day told me he was having a moral crisis, told me he wished my marriage was over, wanted me single because he wanted more, and said he did not want to be the cause of my marriage ending, he told me he saved every single message I had ever sent him from the start of the affair. Then he said he needed some time. I flat out asked him to tell me he did not love me. He could not do it, and I already knew the truth, his face did not lie. So after our last meeting, I sent him a message that I loved him and would not be contacting him again (I have not) that was about 2 weeks ago. Three days after the last email, her status shows them in a relationship. I did a little checking, she has been divorced a year, lives about 2 hours from him, has a child, and this is her first relationship after the divorce. Seven days after the status change he is meeting her family. This is so out of character for him, I am beyond figuring out what he is thinking and honestly my ego is a little bruised. We saw each other once or twice a week, and talked daily, sometimes for hours. We always were together in his home. My husband is away often for his job and my kids are older, I have one left at home and when he is gone, I do not see my marriage lasting. Anyway, I am just trying to figure out what is going through this other man's head. I almost can't even be angry about it because it happened so out of the blue and so quickly. I guess I am just looking for another perspective. He and I are not 20 something, and I just do not believe he or I could shut off our feelings on a dime.

He could be someone who tries to distract himself from the pain of losing a relationship by throwing himself into another relationship. I know I'm like that - always have been, since high school. The "rebound" relationship was never a good one - how could it be when my heart was elsewhere? But it did help to distract me.
I think in some cases the rebound R actually becomes a good one, but the odds are against it. In any case, he does deserve to try to find someone available to him, a real relationship that he doesn't have to hide.
I'm also in an A with a single guy. I know he might find someone someday. I'm hoping he does, for his sake.
I'd let your AP go, and not contact him anymore. You should let him heal from the hurts he's undoubtedly feeling, and let him get over you. It's the kindest thing you could do for him.
By the way - welcome to MAS!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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Hi Lex,
We both have AP's that are single but doesn't it bother you that theres that potential of him finding another? I agree with you that "it's the kindest thing we could do for them". Letting him go and be happy.
I wish for him to find someone that's available. I wish him all that's beautiful, but it hurts
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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