(sigh) When I see him .... I want more..
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(sigh) When I see him .... I want more..
| Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:25pm |
I don't see my MM a lot. I am separated so on the road to being single. He is not. When I see him - I know it is for one thing. I know he will never leave her - I know he will never be with me forever.....but after we are together I am complete mush ....for days. I eventually get over it but I am just totally in love with him after being with him. Luckily I dont see him a lot and I can get over it. Is this what it feels like??? This is supposed to just be about sex - but each time I see him I feel so much more between us. Is he feeling this too? Does he know that I am feeling this???????
*ME*

You're in deeeeep! How long have you been together? My mm and I have been together 7mos and we had the conversation about never spliting up our families. In the begining I never would let my mind wonder into the "emotional zone". Everytime I would think about us together, single, or married to each other I would rush it right out of my head. Sometimes I would (and still do) say absent mindedly "I love him" in my head... I would repeat right after... "no you don't, you don't really know him"> It really helped ... in the begining. Now I am not one to imagine things that aren't there. When he has said ANYTHING to me that could be taken several ways, I took it as meaning nothing. You have to protect your heart girl... or it will be crushed.
Has he said anything to you to let you know how he feels one way or the other? Although my mm said he would do anything to keep his family together... he has told me he has deep feelings for me, has said "as much as I love you" and has told me about a song that reminds him of me. Of course what he says and does are two different things. He is in a high powered high pressured position at work so i always use that as his excuse for not responding the way I want him to. It is most likely because of those things mentioned above that he relayed to me that have me in turmoil. Now I have told him in email that i feel the same way and there are songs that remind me of him, so now I feel even more vulnerable and close to him. see a pattern here?
I guarantee he does NOT know you're feeling this. Talk to him. If you don't feel you can then chase those thoughts out of your mind. I did all I could to not get too connected and it didn't work. Your man hasn't let you know how he feels and your all mushy and wanting more from him. You're in BIG trouble girl!!
talking to him will help....hope this did .. some :)
dd
I have to say I feel similarly after talking to MM, (we’ve had no physically contact) although we chat online everyday – our phone conversations are rare, but they leave me feeling the same way, head over heels, breathless, mush. And at this point, I too get over it after a couple days. And I’m pretty sure my LTR of 8yrs is ending this weekend– totally unrelated to A.
So I find myself thinking , maybe I should re-evaluate this – I know MM will be supportive of me…but I also wonder if it will make me feel more for him. Interpreting his support for deeper feelings than they really are…etc. Have you considered this at all or is it factor in your R? It is bittersweet, such emotions and knowing that they won't leave. I think DD makes some very good points...
hope
I think you offer Sun good advice with your post.
I smiled when I read yours, I've been in my A for almost 6 months and was hoping I could keep talking myself out of getting emotional - doesn't sound like it :)
I've also tried not to read anything into things that he says that could make me even more infatuated with him, to no avail probably... :)
Is it more difficult for you now that he has volunteered that he has feelings for you and has said that he is reminded of you? When you responded in like, have things seemed different? Do you feel relieved, or wish you would not have opened up?
This is really taking some getting used to - trying to keep perspective and protected from the potential hurt and at the same time feeling like nuturing an undefinable at times relationship that I would never want to lose, but that in my heart I know probably can only go so far. hope
You've hit the nail on the head there hope. My mm ended our R after 6 weeks and I was a mess. I was starting to get over him slowly but he kept leading me on then going cold, until I made him sit down with me face to face...mainly so I could tell him to stop and let him know it was making it more difficult for me to move on. So I will refer to my R here on as the "before time" and the "after time". Well during the "before" it was much easier.. everytime I let my mind wander I could shut it off right away and I never really thought of what the future might take us.. he did though. He would say things to me like "Where have you been all my life" and "why didn't I marry YOU". Now I knew at the time they were just funny phrases, meaningless... but somewhere inside me I enjoyed it. So at our talk that was one of the things I brought up, that sometimes little things he would say would sink in and somewhere in my brain I believed him.
Now since then in the "after time" he has not said those things once. But the night of our talk, when we made up becuse we BOTH admitted to missing each other... he told me he had deep feelings for me deeper than I probably realized. This was over a glass of wine, which I believe alcohol takes away your inhibitions.. I could have used some wine since to tell him. So yes... the "deeper feelings" talk and the Love song reminder have had a huge affect on me. He knows that they would since I told him the small things affected me. I felt extrememly close to him instantly after each of those episodes... as well as when he said in a sort of light hearted tone (while talking to me on a business issue) "As much as I love you, no you can't do that". SO of course I have felt that he has put himself a little bit on a limb and I had done nothing. So I decided after of course consulting with this board and my very knowledgable friends in the MAS chat room to tell him I felt the same way.,
I was going to tell him the next time we were together but couldn't wait and emailed him. Notthing real mushy or threatening just reminded him of what he said in Jan and that i felt the same way. Told him I loved the love song he said reminded him of me and I had songs as well that reminded me of him. We haven't discussed the email yet (that was Monday) but he has talked to me and any fears I had of him running scared are totally unfounded. I am relieved I told him, but at the same time I DO feel more vulnerable. He knows how I feel and I am assuming his hasn't changed... so I wonder what happens from here? Next time are together will he bring it up.. will it be more intense? Will I have more expectations? I hope not, that will only make for more stress on both of us.
Only time will tell , but it doesn't really seemed to have affected our relationship at all, except of course the way I look at it.
My this was LONG!! Hope you're still awake LOL
dd
Edited 5/22/2004 12:35 pm ET ET by deedee5678
The saddest feeling is wanting somebody and knowing in your heart that you'll never be able to have them, and the worst feeling in the world is to be lonely.
You right now are feeling the first, but you have us in here to support you in the journey.
Your post just tells us all that you're simply "human". Sleeping with someone usually leads to feelings on both sides. You need to talk to your OM and let him know how you are feeling now- point blank! Don't let the emotional roller-coaster start...it will keep you up, and lead to all kinds of stress related junk. Many tears have flowed down my face that weren't necessary mostly for things that I thought were wrong or because I missed my MM so much...
Usually, we over think things too much, and worry ourselves sick when the OM/MM is going through his days rolling through life w/out thinking like us! He may not even know you have this worry, concern or these strong of feelings- :)
TALK, TALK, TALK to him! Good luck and sending comforting thoughts to you.
jen
I personally don't think in the early stages of an EMA that it is truly possible to differentiate your feelings (whether or not they are real or just reactions to excitement and fun).
I agree with the other posters that communication is key. But I would encourage careful consideration on how you communicate these feelings. I can't tell you how many times I have "over-expressed" myself when a wave of feeling overtook me. It took me 2 of the 3 years of my EMA to get my feelings under control. Once I calmed myself down, I was able to express my feelings in a more time appropriate manner. I slowed down and went at his pace and it made all the difference. Hope this make sense.
PS-When I see him...I too still want more. I've just gotten better at knowing how to say this to him! Good luck!!!
We become addicted and let our guard down.
Years past.....we wait...hope......become elated...then down....we demand more.....they promise.....we end.....get back together.....they end.....get back together....time goes on an on.....you get discovered....they dump us!
All this aside...I miss my MM and live in eternal hope
Good Luck.
If your self esteem can take it......then go for it....
But be careful