Sleeping with the enemy?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Sleeping with the enemy?!
2
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 12:17am
My story isn't as serious as most of yours but it is serious to me and I would like any help if you can!I recently started to sleep with a man that I have always had something for but never pursued. Part of the reason being that he used to sleep with my best friend. This is where my problem comes into play. It was over a year ago that they were sleeping together but he was the only person in college she ever really liked and the only one that really blew her off.

Am I a terrible person for sleeping with the enemy? Although she no longer has feelings for him anymore I am sure, it still feels so wrong. She can never find out and I am afraid in the case that anything ever comes out that when confronted I might have no choice but to lie.

What sucks so much about my situation is that this guy isn't so wonderful. I can have anybody else if I really wanted to, but we have so much fun together and wonderful sex! Do I end this now and lose the risk of a friendship coming to a horrible end, or do I continue to sneak around and have a great time with him (with a conscience)?? The answer is obviously staring me in the face but I can't seem to make the right decision here. Bad karma is certainly coming my way! Any help is always appreciated!!

Thankyou

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 1:17am
I'm confused. If he's "not so wonderful" then why is he so much fun and great to be with?

I'm guessing he was "not so wonderful" to your friend. How close is your friendship? What did he do to your friend? You might want to put things on "hold" with this guy (unless he is Mr.Wonderful!) and ask your friend in a round-about manner questions to see how she really feels about him. I mean how serious were they? Just because things didn't work out for your friend doesn't mean they wont work out for you. If you want to continue seeing this guy and keep your friendship-you should at least tell her you're going to go out with him..because she probably will find out eventually-unless you wear disguises!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 7:39am
First of all, you aren't a terrible person. You ARE a human being and we most certainly aren't perfect. There isn't a single one of us on this board who hasn't chosen our hearts over our heads at one time or another, but that is what makes life interesting, right? If I were going to do the obvious thing in my situation, I would have walked away from MM, not jumped into it with all my heart. Along with the elations that comes with how he makes me feel, I have to also accept that I can't tell my closest friends and family about this man. The most important thing is to realize that we have control over our own lives and we make our own decisions, for better or worse.

I have to question why you say you say he isn't so wonderful in one statement and then say how much fun you have together in the next. There is obviously something that is attracting you... You should figure out what you want with this man and get your own feelings straight before talking with your friend.

Bring the topic around to her gently to get a feel for how she will react. Talk about your feelings and ask her about hers. The unfortunate truth is that while men tend to come and go, true friends are forever. I am not saying walk away from him, but don't try to hide him either. Your friend will be hurt much more if you proceed behind her back.

For what it is worth, I hope this helps.....