SM with MW .... what happened ??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
SM with MW .... what happened ??
1
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 4:34pm
Hello Everyone ...

OK - here goes. My affair started this past fall. We have worked together for three years and have always been friends. After travelling together for work and thru talk. We found out that we both had "a thing" for one another. The emetinal and physical affair started. I am getting a divorce and didn't start the affair until the seperation. SM has been dating another women for two years. He wasn't sure about getting married to her because he has deep feelings for me and doesn't know if she's the "right" one for him. I'm still married (legally) and with his girlfriend - the affiar is a secret. We talk everyday and have a physical attraction that I have never felt before. He bought a ring for his girlfriend, but is not completly sure if he wants to marry her.

WELL ... Friday we had plans to meet after work, etc ... Needless to say, things come up with his girlfriend that he couldn't make it. I was disappointed but OK with it. What was I going to do? Since the kids were with their dad, my other co-worked and I went out for drinks at a bar that she works at on the weekends. SM asked that I call him when I got home (he doesn't care for my female coworker or the bar that we went to) I said I would. Well, it was 2am when I got home and thought twice about calling him at that time. He was with his girlfriend and didn't want to cause a problem with another women calling a that hour.

Got to work on Monday and told him I was sorry for not calling etc !!!! Well, his final statment to me was "You made your choice on Friday night and so be it!" ?????????

I confronted him and asked what that was all about. He said he waited until 4 for me to call and then went to bed. (His girlfriend went home at 10 Friday-how was I to know) I explained once more but .... he says he isn't mad, but he's not talking to me now !! He said he was worried and wanted to be with me Friday, but couldn't. (Don't you think that he could have said no to his girlfriend because he already had plans? Why be angry with me?)

I'm having a great deal of mixed emotions right now and am very hurt that he would "wash his hands" so quickly. We had plans for Fed 6-8 but now he doesn't want to ....

Sad about his reactions and need more opinions on the matter ...thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 12:11am
Hi msjones67,

If you're still around (since this post is almost two weeks old), this is my opinion on your situation. I get the definite impression that your SM was looking for an easy way out of his R with you, and you're not calling him (out of courtesy to not cause problems with his GF)just gave him an "out" so to speak. This way he can place all the blame on you, which isn't very mature of him. I strongly believe in communication and think that if he wanted to end the R with you, he should have just come out and said so, instead of playing the little game he did.

You mention that he's been confused about his own situation....deep feelings for you, but potentially following through with marrying his girlfriend....and it seems that he finally made a choice and commit to his GF.

I hope you're doing ok and that you will soon move forward to find much more happiness in life.

Brightest blessings,

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika