Sneaking Out

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sneaking Out
3
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 10:30pm
I recently snuck out of the house the other night to go see friends and ap, who was hanging out with the friends...i lied to hubby of my whereabouts, and my gf backed me up. I had a wonderful time that nite, and it really got me to think about a few things.
One is, if me and ap cross the line any further, we are going to potentially ruin what we have now, as special friends. Two is, the guilt is would feel from leading a double life more than i am now, three, a lot of peoples lives could be upset, four, loss of self respect, five, loss of my life as i know it to be right now. But i also want him very much, and its so hard. I just love being with him. I'm also afraid crossing the line further could lead to more of an emotional attachment than we already have, and its hard enough already not getting to see him everyday, and becoming more involved would just add to my torture of wanting to be with him and i cant.
So, basically sneaking out got me to think about what could happen if i let it become a habit...which i dont think i will, cuz i'd rather be single and available to go out, rather than to have to continue to lie to my husband.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2009
In reply to: emscemily
Mon, 05-04-2009 - 9:29am

I been sneaking out for about a month now to see my AP.

playing the fool..is never easy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
In reply to: emscemily
Mon, 05-04-2009 - 9:43am

Seems like you hit on a good list.

- potentially ruin what you have as special friends
- guilt ifrom leading a double life
- a lot of peoples lives could be upset
- loss of self respect
- loss of my life as you know it to be right now.
- more of an emotional attachment than you already have
- becoming more involved would just add to the torture of wanting to be with him

and "i'd rather be single and available to go out, rather than to have to continue to lie to my husband" sounds like you are thinking of divorce. for this man or for yourself?

Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
In reply to: emscemily
Mon, 05-04-2009 - 1:54pm
Yes i am filing for a divorce as soon as i can financially do so, due to the emotional and verbal abuse. This has been going on for 15years, and i have had enough. I am not divorcing to be with someone else. My kids deserve a mother who is happy and not miserable in her marriage. And i figure, later on , if my ap is still around, and we are supposed to be together, then i guess we will be. In part, thanks to him, for giving me the never ending encouragement to be who i am, to not put up with someone treating me like i dont matter, and for always being there for me. That's something my husband doesn't know how to do. And he made it quite clear he doesn't want to learn either.