So angry!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
So angry!!!!
9
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 11:56pm
ugh ladies i am so mad at my mm, the last time i talk to my MM, he said he would email me or something to let me know that things were ok for him and here it has been a week and i havent heard anything from him, no instant message, no email and no phone call. Why is it that men seem to not think it's important to communicate, well i dont know about all MM's but mine doesnt seem to care. Sometimes i just think i should end it with MM b/c he just doesnt seem to be committed to our ema. MM makes me want to scream, i tried not contacting him but it's so hard not to. I love mm but im starting to feel like he doesnt feel the same. I need some advice from you ladies, have yall experience this waiting game like checking your email several times a day to see if he has left something or stayed close by the phone hoping he would call just to get your hopes up and then be let down. hopefully i will hear from some of yall that i am not the only one going thru this right now in my ema. talk to ya later
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 8:26am
Hi peach

I go throught it all the time (and I know of a few other board members who do too). I think it is usually one or a combination of a few things; men just don't feel the need to communicate as much, they simply get busy, or maybe they are feeling a little guilt and/or confusion and need time to sort things out.

Try not to let it get you down. Nine times out of ten it's nothing. It still makes me a bit nuts at times; I worry if something is wrong when I don't hear from him (and yes, sometimes I do get a bit obsessive about checking my emails).

Unfortunately, it's just part of being in an A. I think it's very common. It's not easy! But know you're not alone.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 10:06am
>>Sometimes i just think i should end it with MM b/c he just doesnt seem to be committed to our ema.>>

Of course he's not committed! That's why men have EMAs - because, by their very nature there can be no commitment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 10:40am
Hi Georgia. I think this is a "guy" thing. They just don't think the same way we do. Less emotional. My MM didn't contact me for 8 weeks!! Then he gets ahold of me and apologizes, and says he won't do that again. Now it's been another week and a half, I have not heard from him again!! Whats up with that? They don't seem to realize how different we view it, when they SAY they will call etc., and then they don't. Wonder if they do that to their wives? I doubt it. My H calls when he says he will. But then I guess I mean alot more to him than I do to my MM. Thats the way it goes, unfortunately. So here we sit, constantly checking to see if we got an email, IM, etc. Its pathetic, but that's totally what I do too !! I just can't stop myself.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 12:00pm
Many men who are willing to have affairs share some similarities in personality. One of those similarities is a total disregard for the feelings of others. Sounds like your MM is very self-centered and figures that things will happen when he wants them to, and he doesn't have to worry about whether or not you are available, because you probably will be.

Sorry toots. These are the kind of men who many of the ladies on this board get involved with!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 12:49pm
Actually this is to everyone on this thread. If you are single it may seem like he's not trying to communicate. If you are married, then you know how difficult it can be to get a moment to make that call, email, or IM. On my days off, MM always asks me to call him when I get a chance. Last week I didn't get one free moment to call because H was w/me all day long. When I came back to work the next day he said he was waiting for my call, but he understood that I just couldn't call.

MM's do have totally separate lives away from you and that's part of the package - learning to be a part of an entirely different aspect of his LIFE. And I guess those of us here who are married are more understanding of our MMs in that regard because we also have our own families that we put ahead of our MMs. EMAs are just like extra-curricular activities, they have a benefit, but they are just extra.

That's just MHO.

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 2:33pm
Well as I was reading all the posts on this thread I was thinking to myself "welcome to my world, I by far have the most undependable of all men" but as the posts progressed it seems that my OM is just the typical OM...not only is he a man who is task focused but he's also extremely poor with communication. Understanding him is nearly impossible. I often ask myself "how hard is it to pick up the phone and CALL!!!!", a task that seems almost impossible for him when he's got something else occupying his time.

Obviously there are times when he really can't call but most of the time he could call if he were to MAKE the effort to call...of course that would require some thought and planning and creativity and just be way too difficult! LOL

I talk to my OM several times a week and see him once every week or two. Seeing him more really wouldnt be easy for either of us. However, he could call more than he does some weeks.

I did see him last night and I asked him several questions. I asked him why he had called me less than a handful of times over the past 2 weeks and I suggested that he was backing away from me...he reassured me that he called me every chance he got except those chances are just more rare some weeks than others.

They are all men and the concept of "outta sight, outta mind" was created on account of men...Just remember outta sight and outta mind doesn't necessary mean outta HEART! Have faith ladies!

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 2:49pm
Liberal, you're right, reading what you wrote makes me feel a little more reassured. Because they do get busy with work, life, whatever, so do we. Then when you hear from them, its like nothing ever happened. Guess as long as they don't forget us ... we can't complain. Hope I hear from my MM soon!! Haven't actually seen him in 10 weeks, miss him alot.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 3:09pm
yes, i'm with you goodgirl. EMA/As are extracurricular activities and as such are not the central part of life. if you let the EMA/A become center stage, you are setting yourself up for a world of pain and hurt and jealousy and anger, etc., etc.....

i see many women on this board who decend into despair because they are not "first" or #1 with the MM/OM. that's the nature of the EMA/A. live with that fact or get out of the R.

my MM is going on vacation next week and i'm actually excited for him to get away and relax. he deserves it, believe me. do i wish i was going with him? no, because i have a life away from him and no illusions about having more with him than we have right now.

that's my opinion.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 8:08pm
any man just like child will do whatever he is allowed to do. Push their boundries so to speak. I understand from what he tells me that sometimes, sometimes, there just is no way humanly possible to make the call. This I understand, but on the other hand also makes me so insecure cause that means she is stuck to his side like glue. I do know this, there has never in 4 years been a day that he hasn;t called when he said he was going to unless its impossible and he calls the very next day, sometimes apologizes, sometimes not( cause we are supposed to UNDERSTAND!!!! right girls?) I do know if these men are good men and I believe from all the posts that there are a lot of on going affairs which means it;s more than just sex!. No way should any of you except him totally being inconsiderate to you in any way shape or form. If you allow it once he figures you except it and it will continue. Men are not anything like us. But if you make it clear to him what you expect hopefully he will follow through. My MM tries many different things just to let him know he is thinking of me. Like just letting my cell ring once, if he can;t talk. Anything just to let me know I am not alone. I am alone (single) so it does make it harder for me. I do know this, I would rather be in my situation then his. He is a very good man, we both fell in love and couldn;t stop. It eats away at him what he is doing, but we have grown so close we can;t let go. I think in our situations if the two of you set guidelines on whats ok and not ok,,,you may solve some of the waiting game, *which is tortureous.* Remember, they don;t think like us, but they do have feelings, just don;t express them like we do. Hope all of us women demand without being too demanding what we need and what we want. But it is true, no one is holding a gun to your head to make you stay, and the same goes for him. Goodluck

Love 4ever.