So beyond confused....
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| Tue, 05-18-2010 - 3:48pm |
Hi, been lurking for the last few weeks while this has all been happening. Looking for advice, words of wisdom, or anything to help guide me.
I'm falling apart. Been married for less than a year to a wonderful man. Would do anything for me and loves me unconditionally. I thought nothing would ever get in between that.
When we were dating, I cheated on him once... but never had the courage to leave, and when I examined a new potential relationship, I always decided to stay - that what I had at home was strong and solid and worth saving. In the last year, I've met two people who have both come into my life unexpectedly and wonderfully, and who are so different than my husband. One came in and went quickly away... but now... now there is someone who has turned my life upside down in the most wonderful of ways. I'm falling in love and I don't know what to do.
I love my husband but I'm so worried - terrified - that I married the wrong person... and we get along well but our personalities and interests are so far from each other. We are both young... what terrifies me even more of leaving is being married for years with children and be miserable and find myself in another affair.
I'm seeing a marriage counselor but I haven't been able to bring up that I've been the slightest bit unhappy to my husband. Maybe he senses something, maybe he doesn't. I'm dying inside and am so simultaneously happy and miserable at the same time. I believe that I should take some time to myself... stop seeing AP... but I'm falling so hard and so fast that it feels like an impossibility right now.
Please help... and my deepest thanks to you all.

oh Abby. hugs!
So glad to hear you're seeing a counselor.
Thank you so so much for the response. I agree with you completely in my head; unfortunately, my heart tells me something very very different.
I can clearly see a pattern in the type of guy I've fallen for time after time (3 times now... How awful is that.) It's not something that's lacking in my relationship w/ my H, but these guys are all outgoing with strong personalities... which I feel I have as well, and so time with them is engaging and fun. They're all in the same line of work. My husband is quiet, introverted. He isn't going to change his personality... I just didn't realize before we got married that it might just not be enough. Can it ever be? Or even if I decide to work on things, will I ever fully be happy with him? My heart is breaking....
Again, thanks for the replies... and hugs to everyone going through anything like this - it is really tough stuff.
You know, I read an interesting article just last night, something along the lines of myths about cheating.
anotherseyes
So true--I married a complete opposite and after 24 years of fidelity realized we had grown so far apart that what made us each unique didn't --well, we didn't like it! So I divorced him....
Abby--this is not looking good for you and H.....keep up the Therapy and try not to have a child until you figure this out and know who YOU are and what YOU want. Until then--be very careful.
Good luck!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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