So clear yet so confused
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So clear yet so confused
| Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:03pm |
OK so last night W, Ow and I all hung out. Not out of the norm as OW is Ws best friend. Anyways, Ow and i talk on the phone everynite, late at nite when W is sleeping. I text her last night as usual to call me, no call no reply. I then text again a little later to say goodnite again no reply. So now here i was sitting in my bathroom at 2 am feeling...well feeling things i really didnt believe, i started over thinking everything.. I dont feel guilty at all about the A. sorry if that sounds bad but i just dont, W doesnt make me happy anymore and i am not in love with her. But i guess what im saying is i was kinda hurt OW didnt reply last night. I finally went to bed. This am i woke up and check my cell and have 2 messages, it ends up my reception was bad and the 2 messages never made it to her phone. This am she texts me asking why i never called last night. Ive been wondering how deep my feelings truly were but after last night i guess i now know...But i cant leave my W as i cant bear to leave my son. Now OW is going away for three months as i said before, and i feel even worse now as i truly know i am in love with her. she says she has a big question to ask me tonite and that now has my head spinning,did last night make her see things the same way it did to me? Am i just going crazy? Just stressed and needed to vent i guess thanks for listening.

My situation is similar, in a way, because the man that I love is in his marriage because of his daughter. His wife screams, shouts, swears and drinks constantly. They are so miserable together, and I always wonder why he thinks this is a good decision.
It just seems like it might hurt everyone in the long run if you are unhappy in your marriage.
It's an overwhelming feeling when you realize how much you need your OW, isn't it? It's that realization that you find yourself feeling dependent on their calls, attention, responses, etc.
I know not being able to see her for three months will be difficult but trust in the true feelings that you have for each other. When I hear the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder"...it makes me want to throw up. But you know what? As frustrating as it is to not be able to see them, it does give you something so GOOD to look forward to when you are together. I have a little over a month left to go until I see my MM, it's been 2 months already and I am ready to burst. He tries so hard to keep in touch with me either by e-mail or phone. It helps me deal with the distance and it just makes me look forward to the next time I can be in his arms again.
Try not to stress yourself out wondering what she is going to tell you. Just trust in what you have both found within each other and go from there. Keep us in touch and hope the "talk" goes well tonight:-)
Well i dont know your situation with your marriage and the A with the OW but when i read your posts it reminded me of my MM. He is also married and he tells me he does love her but is no longer in love with her. MM also has a young son and everytime we talk about his M, he tells me that basically she throws him out of his house which he just recently bought at least once a week, i asked MM why does he keep going back to her and the situation and he said because his boy is there. I love MM and i am in love with MM and i hate seeing him so unhappy. I used to think that he was using his son as an excuse to why he wont leave the marriage but now i realize that it isnt an excuse. He loves his son and would do anything for him just like i would for my son. He is scared of leaving his comfort zone which i am too, but i want to be with MM and i just dont think she deserves him. She treats him like crap and also just by him telling me, they dont have a sex life b/c she wont have sex with him, i dont know if maybe she has a feeling he is seeing someone or if she is cheating also on MM. I love MM and he has told me one time before that he loved me but he actually hasnt said it, we were talking on the phone and i asked him how he felt and he said he would tell me but he wanted to do it later. I have a question, how do u have "the talk" with MM or OW when they are the type who doesnt show emotion, he has told me upfront that he doesnt show emotion so trying to get him to open up to me is like banging my head against the wall. I know he cares about me and the relationship but i need to be reasssure that i am the woman he wants to be with. I am not asking him to get all emotional and mushy with me, just put it out there on the table that way i will know and not secondguess it. I would love to hear from the other men and women on the board to what they think or maybe have some advice or suggestions. Take care and have a nice day.
I used to keep all my emotions inside and never showed them to anybody. Now that ive had my son i dont know what happened but now im more emotional than most lol. he just opened me up to things ya know? Well anyways i feel for you and your MM as im having the same difficulties now. Im trying to get my OW to tell me how she really really feels before she leaves for the summer and its like pulling teeth. Ive started this convo probably twice already and each time its gone no where. OW is very hard on the outside but i know that she truly is a softee inside lol. Except she only shows that side when she wants to. And i know exactly what you mean by having them put it out there so you wont second guess it. Cant offer you any real advice except to keep trying to bring it up in myabe different ways.My own little theory is this. Maybe our OW/OM wont open up for fear of getting hurt? I mean i think that may be OWs deal. And i know when i first realized i had deep feelings for OW it scared the hell outta me. I mean this was just supposed to be an A. Not all emotional and stuff. It would really just help to hear them say the L word maybe just once right? lol hell id even just settle for her explaining how she feels and where her heads at without the L word. Nothings working for me either but i figured i'd just let ya know your not alone.
BIG
for letting me know i am not alone in this. I am the opposite of your OW as in telling about how i feel. Yes, when i realized i was falling in love with MM i was scared too. I did not know if i should tell him b/c i was fearful of rejection and that maybe he didnt feel the same. MM and I have been together for a year and 1/2. We never said at the beginning whether this A was just going to be about the sex or if we wanted more. So now here we both are having so many feelings for each other but i am the only one who will step up to the plate. MM has told me the reason why he doesnt let things bother him much and just to say, his dad has had so many heart problems especially heart attacks and he's scared that if he let's things get to him then he possibly down the road could have those problems too. The last time we talked through IM, he finally confessed for the first time that he loved me but he didnt go into deep detail about how he felt about us and where he wanted us to take this relationship. I guess it's something he thinks i already know but i dont. He has never ever asked me to leave my marriage but i can tell just by some things he tells me like if i ask him a question, he will say something like"but you are still married. I know that maybe he does have some guilt about our A and i dont blame him for feeling that way b/c in some way i feel guilty too, but i love him with all my heart and i see something for us in the future but like i said he is scared to leave b/c he has mentioned it several times that his W family has alot of money and they could hire the best attorney and take his son away from him and i dont wont that. I am not asking him to leave for me, i want him to leave for himself. I am just tired of hearing about how she can take his son away from him, he acts like he doesnt have any rights to his son. He has told me that he wished he never gotten married and MM hasnt told me why he got married to begin with but i think it's b/c he was rushed into it b/c she got pregnant with his son. I also believe she was a minor when she got knocked up and that might have something to do with it too. I just dont know, I just see this man who is so broken b/c he doesnt wont to be married, but he feels like if he follows his heart with our relationship there's a chance he will never see his son again. I have already made up my mind about that, if it came down to him having to choose his son or me well then it would definitely be his son, i would let MM go b/c i wouldnt wont him to choose me over his kid, to me that wouldnt even be a choice to make. It's weird that i love his kid even though i have only see him once in real life, seen pictures of him and talked to him once on the phone but i have alot of love and i care about his son even though he isnt my child. I just wish MM would just put all of his emotions and feelings out there instead of fear that he is going to get hurt. I was scared that i would get hurt too but MM means everything to me and i knew he deserved to know how i felt about him. He just seems so cold on the outside but i know he is a teddybear on the inside. He trys to put on a front like nothing bothers him but i know that's not true. Like i said it is good to hear from you knowing i am not alone in dealing with my feelings. If you dont mind me asking how old is your son? married for how long? Your situation is just about the same as MM's. I would like to know what do u tell the OW about your marriage and how you are scared of leaving b/c of your son? Well thanks for letting me go on and on about my A but i would like to hear more about your A and how have you been handling all of it from a man's point of view. Take care and i hope i hear from you soon!!