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|Thu, 09-06-2012 - 8:52pm|
So on Monday and Tuesday I joked with the AP that it had been a while since we were "together." It has been two weeks which in my mind was a while since we had been "seeing" each other at least once a week. He seemed a little pissed off about it so I let it drop. He asked yesterday to get together and I knew it would short but his daughter was home and he still wanted to sneak me in. I balked about it for a while and then relented because I didn't want to miss the opportunity. It was horrible, I shouldn't have let him talk me into it but I did. Fast forward to today, I asked him to call me since he's been acting so weird lately. We talked and I was supposed to go with them all to see his son play a game. I was told by him it would be too awkward to have me and his W around. He said it would be too much for all three of us to sit there, carry on and us knwoing what we are doing and that it's wrong. I get that, I really do. It just hurt. He than said we needed to slow down, he was getting way too brave, way to comfortable with what is going on that a mistake was going to be made and ruin it all. I asked him to explain what he meant by slow down and he said let it happen when it happens, let's not plan anything (like not picking up his daughter to come home and be with me etc.). So no he didn't end it and I can honestly see where he is coming from but it still hurts.
My H noticed when he got home that I was upset and knew I was supposed to go with them all to the game. I told him I wasn't and he asked me what was wrong. H has maintained through this all that AP fell in love with me but just wouldn't say it. I told H a watered down version that AP said it would be awkward to have W and me around. H laughed and said "otherwise he can't control his emotions around you." He said yeap I love when I'm right.
I guess I'm not confused but I am hurt. I just hate when people can't really be honest with each other and that it took all this calling and pushing for me to get AP to fess up. I saw him this afternoon and he talked to me like nothing was wrong. I'm letting it go and backing away. I have to get a grip on my own life now, I want to continue it but I need to do so with me being happy with myself.