So confused...help!!
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So confused...help!!
| Tue, 08-26-2003 - 10:49am |
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Edited 12/20/2003 1:43:37 PM ET by charlotte1203
Edited 12/20/2003 1:43:37 PM ET by charlotte1203
| Tue, 08-26-2003 - 10:49am |
Sounds like your MM is trying to express his feelings for you...and is tiptoeing all around the subject. <<< We went through this BIG time too!!!! I didn't know what to do..I didn't want to totally express my feelings and end up with him getting scared and pulling back from me. It's been about 6 or 7 weeks ago when he told me that he knew how he felt, and that the feelings were there for him, etc., and I was really holding back....real hard. Up to that point, I had told him from the get go that I didn't want a relationship etc., but this too was partly because I was protecting myself, but...he didn't know any better. I held back though until I nearly pushed him away, just because he was thinking that **I really didn't care. I finally broke down and told him I felt the same way as he did and we discussed all kinds of things we both were afraid of and feeling, etc. Then...just a couple of weeks after that we said the big L word on AUG 1 and everything went WONDERFUL until last Thursday..which I know you've already read about. This may seem a little soon to some folks but...again, I have a long history with this guy as this is our 2nd affair. I think you probably know this by now..and I figured..18 years is long enough to wait to express feelings to someone...lol.
But, I'm telling you...if he's trying to express himself to you and....you are basically 'ignoring' that....then that's why his emails have become so 'basic' ....my MM did the exact same thing. As a matter of fact...he finally admitted to me after all was said and done that he had pulled back on communication on purpose because I had let on to him that I didn't have feelings, etc., and didn't want a relationship so he intended on seeing if "no strings" was indeed what I wanted. << This kinda perturbed me..that I so stupidly let him get by with this, but it did work. Your MM could kinda be doing the same thing...or it could be that he's just confused not knowing how you feel?
You just sound just like me last week...lol, it'll get better...let us know how it goes for you!!
Hugs
PR
Once again, thanks for your response. It means a lot as I have no one to talk to about this! I spent most of the day fighting back the tears and angry at myself for feeling that way. I hope you're right about MM. We'll see. I'm not sure if I want to open up yet - because like you were before you and your MM opened up the lines of communication, I'm afraid to. I'm not ready for the possible rejection - I have felt that way enough in my marriage. I don't think I can handle anymore at the moment. Thanks again so much! I'll keep you posted.
I haven't been on the board for awhile and can't quite remember your story...so I may be way off base here. But here is a shot.
It sounds to me like your no care attitude is a huge cover to MM (something you have developed with your H perhaps??) -- which I think is partly good, partly bad. It is upsetting to hear that you have been so overwrought over the situation but can maintain face where MM is concerned...
First of all, if MM has put himself out there a little bit and you have not, he may be trying to figure out your feelings without asking you directly. And if it doesn't seem that you are disappointed/concerned about your lack of time with MM, he may have a big question mark on you...do you get me?
Secondly, if you are crying/upset about this situation, you should let MM know that you are at least disappointed with the way things have played out. You don't have to tell him all of your crazy thoughts, but there is nothing wrong with telling him how you feel, and making sure he knows what your needs are...
Why not say that you were really excited to see him and that you are disappointed with the cancellations? --that isn't too much, but it will at least let MM know that your no care attitude is thinner than he may have thought...
But, sweetie, if there are only minuses and no pluses regarding MM, why are you putting yourself through this? If you put yourself out there two things may happen: 1) MM will tell you he doesn't want things to move too fast 2) MM will have a huge sigh of relief, and he will let you know that he has been waiting to hear that from you...my hunch is that he will respond well...
So which is worse -- you being upset all the time about the possibility of rejection or knowing what is going on with you and MM??
Good luck, sweetie,
Alameda
Thank you very much for your advice and kind words. It helped so much. I feel ridiculous letting myself get so worked up (like a high school girl)!
You and prettyribbons were right...
I decided to let him know I was dissapointed and wondering if maybe he wanted out. He told me "NO!" That's really all I needed to hear. I am going to try a little harder to open up slowly now. I can see now how my hesitation to do so could be have been pushing him away. Thanks you guys!
Edited 8/27/2003 2:27:10 PM ET by charlotte1203