so many emotions.and soooo confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
so many emotions.and soooo confused
8
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 9:15pm

Hi...I am so glad I found this board..I have gone through and read alot of the posts and its good to know I am not alone ,in my thoughts ,feelings and emotions/


I am feeling so many emotions ,and feeling so lost...What have I done ,? what am I doing? Is it hopeless? Should I just enjoy the moments as they come and not think to much?


I am married and am involved with a married man with kids..I don;t even know if its an affair because we have not had the chance to really talk about things..It started just in late August and we have been together quite a few times but only for a few hours each time..I have never been in a situation like this and he has..he told me that up front..He is unhappy with his marriage but will never leave ,as he loves his kids and has to much to lose..and I told him I could not leave my husband ,for many reasons..The thing is...I just don;t know what has happened to me since I have met him.I feel so distant from my husband ,even more than usual.and all I can think about is the OM.and can;t wait to hear his voice or see him..


I am so confused..He will call me or email me and beg me to meet him online..then it will be days before I hear from again..or else I have to call him..? He says he has alot on his plate right now..to be patient and he will find us some alone time ,..I am so confused I don;'t even know how to post what I want to say here....sighh..


Am I lost? Can anyone help me to understand how this works? i feel so alive and special when I am with him..and we have so much in common..Maybe I am just a dreamer..


Don;t blame it on me ...blame it on my Wildheart
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 9:47pm
oh just from your post i can assure you u r def having an affair--you have all the SYMPTOMS LOL..hold on it is going to be a bumpy ride....believe me...ups downs and turn arounds...and i remember thinking when i was told that a year ago...but this is such fun...and it is....it also is addictive and can bring you to your knees..for the most part i would not of missed a second...good luck and hang around we come in handy :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 7:57am

Thank you..I am so glad I found this board...


It is already becoming a roller coaster ride of emotions..I keep asking myself what the hell am I doing? but the next moment am waiting waiting to hear from him...


I am just so confused about so many things..I guess because we never have really had to chance to really talk about alot of things.I am not even sure what he is looking for ...He told me right from the start that if I felt I couldnt handle it to walk away..but me being me ..jumped right in .Do I just let the days play their selves out ? or do I force the issue of talking >? I don;t want to push to much as I know he is under alot of pressure right now with work and family issues...But I can;t stand this not knowing where I stand ,how he feels..if I am the only one..etc... but you are so right >>I am addicted ..and can;t stop thinking of him...


Honestly I am not sorry about this..he has woken me up from the coma I have been in for the last few years..but ohhhh I don;t know if I can handle it ...Do I call him or just wait to hear from him??

Don;t blame it on me ...blame it on my Wildheart
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 6:02pm

Don;t blame it on me ...blame it on my Wildheart
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 6:44pm

First of all welcome to the board. Second, hugs to you. As Eternal said, you are definitely in the middle of an A and you are experiencing the rollercoaster and it's a bumpy and often very painful ride.

If you are feeling certain things, then you have the right to say them to AP. This A is about both of you and if you aren't happy then you have the right to express it, or anything else you are feeling. If he doesn't accept that and pulls away, then unfortunately you have your answer. It's a strange paradox, but the best way to keep an A on even keel is communication - just like in all relationships.

I'm also not surprised you find yourself pulling away from your H and focusing on AP. An A is an obsession. It would seem that many guys are better at them than women because they can compartmentalise better. If you can do that, it helps.

Although it is extremely hard, you need to pull back a bit from your A and find yourself. Find things that you like doing for you. And to look at your M and discover what you want there too, without figuring in your A. For many, the A is the wake up call that there are serious issues in an M.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Pisces




Edited 11/23/2008 8:29 pm ET by pisces2008
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 7:00pm
great post pisces...wildheart..we all can relate to your feelings..the one thing i kinda picked up on though was ur concern about if there were others in ap's life...i gather u meant other OW..that is something you do need to talk with him about ok hun---that is important...other then that contact comes and goes...A's can be similar but all are unique--if i waited on my guy for contact it would be few and far between but i dont second guess our connection one bit...i do understand his crazy demanding life...and i am his relief...so that works for us--in the beginning not so much :)....things tend to settle in with time if its meant to be long term kwim?? good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 8:18pm

Thank you so much for giving me some advice and words of comfort!!


It is indeed a roller coaster ride...I never did hear from him today or tonight...as I knew I would not..I am going to try and take the advice given and back off a bit and just wait to see how long it will be before he calls or contacts me..Its going to be so hard not call him.....but if I do call him I think he will feel I am pushing ...so I will try my hardest to wait and when he does call again....tell him again we need some time to talk//


I am not sure where this is going, and right now all i want is for him to stay in my life

Don;t blame it on me ...blame it on my Wildheart
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 8:47pm
yes i can relate to just wanting them in your life ..the alternative is just not acceptable is it? i mean do u really feel alive without them..its tough stuff...hang on hang in ...once u get on it is hard...try not to get too addicted if u can..and i from the start have never pushed as hard as it was to not email etc...i didn't...stopped contact a handful of times but always went back :)
its a yr this fall.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 3:17pm

Don;t blame it on me ...blame it on my Wildheart