So much easier w/out the A

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
So much easier w/out the A
7
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 11:43am
Hey ladies...man so much has happened with me lately...but i don't want to really get into it ....to make a long story short i miscarried my first pregnancy this week...so bummed...it was my h of coarse...totally planned and stuff....mm was so happy for me to. Now its just an emotional mess.

Well anyways..i guess the hormone fluctuation had me crying and getting all emotinoal with mm....its like life would be so much easier without an A. IT definelty would yet the thought of not having mm in my life saddens me and so ending the A is not my solution. But sometimes...it controls my life...my thoughts...my mood...my sense of being.

I have a good marriage and don't want my mm to get in the way of that but sometimes when its easier to talk with mm cuz there aren't the daily stressors of life weighing us down....i get scared. When i have argued with my h, sometimes mm will still pop into my head and i'll start thinking about him and i stop myself cuz, well the h needs to be the forfront of it all. I think about mm all the time....all the time....

IT has also come out that mm hasn't been able to share his soul with me cuz i get upset and an attitude change when he starts talking about his life...w...children...etc. I know i shouldn't do this and i am trying....but how can i embrace his life and not let it bring me down?

Does anyone know where i am coming from? Any words of wisdom to share? Sorry this message is scattered with different ideas and crap...but that is how my brain feels righ now.

Hope everyone is doing well today.

And were is shouldi and mommydotcom....haven't seen posts from you guys lately.

peace

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 11:51am
hi sabrina. i'm sooo sorry about the miscarriage. i had one too and it messed me up for a good two weeks hormonally and emotionally. my subsequent pregnancy went fine and my daughter is now 24! so good luck in the future.

insofar as your feelings for H and MM, understand please that you ARE scattered and emotional right now (and will be for at least another week or so until your hormones settle down). it's natural when we argue with our mates to think about the MM/OM in our lives. for most of us, that a comfort and doesn't mean we aren't respecting H/BF/SO, just a defense mechanism and comfort zone.

and of course life would be easier without EMA/As, but reality is that all of us on this board are (or were) involved with MM/OM and that's why we're here. i can't offer any words of wisdom, just support for what you're going through now.

so relax now and take care of yourself so you can recover from the miscarriage. everything will get back to normal soon. and you'll feel better, and be far more able to deal, with your life, H, MM and the future.

take care of you,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 1:24pm
Sabrina, I feel like your reading a story about my life...we have a tremendous amount in common. I am happily married but could never imagine my life without my OM. I love him deeper than I ever anticipated loving someone other than my husband. I have spent the past 2 years trying to find a balance between a happy marriage and a steamy and passionate A - so far I'm doing "ok" with it. We recently hit a bump in the road when his fiance became pregnant. Like you, it is very difficult for me to deal with the reality of him having a life outside of the few hours a week we have together. DH is pressuring me to start a family, something we tried to do 2 years ago right before my A started. I to miscarried at 10 weeks. I was devistated and at times I think that played a role in the start of my A. We had planned to try again as soon as the Dr. gave the "ok" but that quickly changed when I met my OM. Now that they are expecting a child I find myself feeling like "I guess I can do it to" I have discussed this OM and he indicated that he will be happy for me and support me anyway I need him to and we will always have one another etc...this is a man who is in love with me but knows that staying with my H is what matters most to me...he knows and respects that Im happy where I am and that helps alot.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do but be extra nice to yourself as you adjust to the loss of your baby and to the emotional and hormonal changes that come along with your miscarriage.

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 5:12pm

Hi Sabrina,


Hon... I feel for you and what you are going through... a miscarriage turns you upside down and inside out... it just makes you a whole mess until your body starts to put your hormones back in order.


You will feel so much more emotional at this time... and will try harder to make sense of all that is going around you.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 12:36pm
Well as it turns out, it wasn't a miscarriage but rather an eptopical pregnancy. And i haven't gotten rid of it. Waiting for the doc to call. Don't really know what is ganna happen now.

Just so tired of the waiting game. I need it to be over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 12:52pm
oh sabrina, an ectopic pregnancy is pretty bad, honey! i'd be calling that doc. every 15 minutes until he/she tells me let's get you to the hospital and surgery. my best gf had an e.p. last december and almost bled to death!


soooo sorry you're going through this!. good luck and let us know how you're doing after.

hugs,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 1:37pm
I'm so sorry about what you're going through right now. In March of this year, I had an early miscarriage. I have been tying to concieve another baby since January, and didn't even know I was pregnant until I had already miscarried. I already have a daughter whom I know is 100% my H's. I also know how hard it is hearing things about mm's family. Sometimes it bothers me that he talks about W. Most of the time I have to have a good laugh. Some of the stories he tells me about his kids are so funny. Although he does bring up his family, I know how he feels. He doesn't hide that from me. Hopefully one day things will work out for me and MM, and we'll end up together. I also have days when I think that I would be better off not having an A, but then I think of MM and his love for me, and I stop thinking negative thoughts. Hopefully things will work out for you. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 5:07pm
Hello sabrina sorry to hear you miscarried.I had a miscarriage twice before I actually carried a baby full term.It is a hard thing to deal with but you can get through it and keep trying.I kept telling myself that it was gods way of letting me know it's not time for me to have kids.Now I have 2 healthy boys.When the time is right it will happen.Kids are a big responsibility.And I agree that not getting into a's is better on everyone involved but we still do it.I know my life seemed to be alot easier to deal with before I got myself into the mess I'm in.I only thought my life was hard then.I learned the hard way.The thought of my a ending saddens me also


,and yes having an a can control your every thought and mood.Doing the family thing is really hard because I want to be with om,but that's just not possible to be with him as much as I'd like.I think about my om when me and h are intimate and that scares the hell out of me.Sometimes I wish I would just get caught.I don't no how this stupid page got messed up.