So sad I let things go this far
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| Wed, 12-23-2009 - 10:14am |
I've hooked up in various ways with AP on 8 different occassions over the 6 months. We can't see each other alone very often. I'm also friends with his W. His W confides in me and last summer confided she's having an A with a friend of her H's. Her H had been hitting on me and trying his hardest to get me in bed for a while, so after I learned that she was in love with someone else, I let him in my bed.
Now his W is in this intense R with H's best friend - they're both in love, or supposedly. I feel terrible because I'm sleeping with her H on occassion and listening to her problems, and hearing about how she and H are still sleeping together at the same time. Then, we all go out as couples (including her AP and his W) and she will freak out whenever her AP touches his W. She ruins the night for everyone. Not to mention, her AP has hit on me many times. He grabs my butt and flirts nonstop when I'm around him. Pig!
She has decided that she is staying with her H (my AP) while she waits on her AP to leave his W though I'm thinking he never will. I'm sad for my AP. And, I feel very used at the same time. I can't tell her H - she'll know it's me that told. Do I separate myself from her H completely? I feel like it's the only thing I can do to keep my sanity.
I find myself very depressed. I've been drinking a lot lately, too. I also have feelings that men are disgusting pigs and I hate them all.

Hi secret,
I just wanted to tell you to not beat yourself up...hindsight is a b**ch, isn't it? I think we all wish we'd never started down these paths. Even me, and I'm madly in love with mine!
Your story hit a bit of a chord with me, just bits and pieces of it. I know what you mean about feeling like all men are pigs. My BFF is in love with my AP/BF's best buddy...he's M. A couple of years ago it looked like they might have gotten together, but then he backed off and got all weird. Totally treated her like crap. It's really messing her up. And you know what? This guy does the same thing as your AP's W's AP does....he hits on all of her friends...he's tried to get into my pants for godsakes! Just a real creep, you know? She knows all this about him, but she still has feelings for him. She would never let him touch her with a ten foot pole, but she still has these feelings. I don't understand it either, and I try to reinforce what a scum bag he is.
The sad thing? My AP/BF is fully aware of the efforts his friend has made to try and get with me...and he still hangs out with him. Aaarggh!
I know the drinking part too...I'm struggling with it myself, A LOT. My AP/BF is M, and doesn't intend on leaving (like I left my 25 yr. M). He says he loves me and I don't want to be alone. It's an untenable situation and I have been drinking a lot for the last two(ish) years. I often wonder what the heck is wrong with me.
I wish we could both just walk away...these situations are toxic, and that's why we drink. Hang in there, maybe distance yourself from AP's W for a while...as a start.
Take care secret,
benska
I have been reading posts for a while now, and yours really hit me! I too, am in a situation similar to yours (being 'friends' with the AP's wife.) It is a constant struggle for me - one I wouldn't wish on anyone. But thank goodness I read your post, as now I know I am not the only one in such a pickle. The difference between our situations is the W is not cheating (currently). She has really been trying to work on their marriage, and in the back of my head I know he wants to stay with her. My AP and I were caught after a long night of drinking, and needless to say
Well, I had a nice Christmas, but I am left today feeling as sore as I ever do about the whole situation. I haven't heard from AP in over a week. I thought he might call me on Wednesday, but he didn't which, at the time, I told myself that meant he didn't care (just as suspected) but did I listen to myself - NO! I still think about him. Last night I dreamt of him. I hate this.
He and his W went to the beach for the holiday with W's AP and his W. I thought for sure they'd be caught, but no such luck. I guess that makes me a hypocrite. I mean, I want them caught, but obviously don't want to be caught myself. Our A is basically over. I will see him in a couple days and I think I'm just going to ignore him and if he asks, I'll just flat out say, "it's over between us." I have more