so sick of his %$ -after the party
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so sick of his %$ -after the party
| Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:34pm |
there isn't an emoticon for this feeling. so much for after the party - i thought that everything was fine. dont know what happened...i see him today adn he is cold as ice - asked what is wrong - he said he needed to have a little space...if i have anymore space i'll be in the next state...i left friday nite - he was plastered - he tells me after i left - he proceeded to drink more at another bar. now people are making little commments to him about me - adn he is all freaked out.
So what? I was freaked out having to see him in the same room with his W - i put my heart and soul on the line - i swallowed everything to go to the damn thing - and i don't even get so much as a thank you. $*^@ him. More space. what a bunch of bs. he never even bothered to ask how i was feeling. senseless prik he is sometimes.
is it MY fault that he got totalled - was affectionate with me in front of everyone that we know? ummm....nope. is it my fault that his balz are attached to her wallet? ummm....negatatory.
ladies (and gents on the board too) PLEASE give me advice on what to do...as much as i love him - i dont know how much more space i can take. i want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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How much of this public affection was in front of other people?
Just wondering how it all happened. I'm sure when he had a little booze in him his inhibitions were let down, and maybe now he's in trouble with the W and back stepping.
Let us know a little more. Maybe we can help advise better.
jen
put a lot of things at risk when you socialize with MM and his W or if MM socializes with you and your H ---
However the circumstances came about regarding this party and why you had to attend and see and meet his wife I don't know - but if it were me I would have found any and all reasons not to go -- some other activity, sick kids, vacation planned, sick mother, sick father, gotta pick a friend up from the airport...catch my drift
women are highly intuitive even if you say you are being discreet and you stay away from
MM - I think it's just not possible for two people who are attracted to each other to be
in the same room and NOT have poeple notice it or feel it - that is why they call it CHEMISTY ---
and I agree with the other poster - his W probably picked up on some funky vibe and now he's dealing with the after effect - sure it's not entirely your problem but of course being a man he's going to make it yours...
Just wait it out - try not to jump to conclusions you did your best under the circumstances but I just think those situations are risky
Kikki
honestly - she has the perception of a teetsy fly - i think it is the people that he works with that are dropping comments - he was a 'happy drunk' but affectionate with me - and some got a pic of the 2 of us looking @ each other - i saw it - it was pretty self explanatory if you ask me.
i'm just afraid that if he cools off too much that it'll give off more of a "hmmm...what IS up with those 2" than if we just continue on as we are.
i got to go to work...will write more this evening. any advice btwn now and then would be greatly appreciated. last nite i was ready to blast him with both barrels - now i'm just hurt.
i take care of protecting him in this - and I guess i wish he would've given me something. he did offer his hand out to me after i asked him if i did something wrong - he said "no - we're cool - its ok just some space". i tired to end it a few weeks before the party - he wouldn't let me. wants me in his life - yada yada...
welcome to wednesday frustration - and thanks for the words ladies!
db
If he wants space...give it to him. He may be ok today or tomorrow. Are they fighting over it?? Is he just nervous because someone said something to him? I would relate to him just what you said about acting normal at work. Sometimes when these things happen it sends up everyones radar and it would be a good idea to not do anything unusual for a while, or at least be a LOT more discreet about it.
It sucks the big one (and not in a happy way ;) )
dd
I am married and have a single OM who I work with. And I can tell you that after 3 years and numerous social/work functions, the two of them have never ever met each other. I couldn't handle the stress of having them both in the same room. So while I understand that you had to be there, I don't know why he couldn't come up with some reason not to bring his wife along. I have always found reasons to keep the two of them from meeting!
DD is right. I would keep my distance right now, especially at work, and the talk from your co-workers will die down. They will soon find something else to whisper about, as long as you don't add any fuel to the fire.
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I am very confused and hurt right now. I feel like I am being punished for behavior that is beyond my control. When we discussed the party, you promised me everything would be fine. I came to the party, against my better judgment. I had a good time and managed to hold myself together. Just because I didn’t melt into a puddle weeping at your feet doesn’t mean that it was easy for me. The fact that you got drunk and were indiscrete several times is not my fault – I didn’t give in to any of it. I kept up my end of the bargain, yet I am now being punished for the aftermath of your behavior.
Other areas of carelessness on your part seem to be causing problems too. In the beginning - you said it was ok to call on your cell during office hours. Knowing that I may call you, you should have the sense to tell xxxxx to not answer your cell phone. Period. It isn't his phone; whom you speak with is not his business. Do you answer his private calls? Still, I am punished for that one phone call to your cell with your harsh words over xxxxx answering my call and my hasty excuse for why I was calling. What are the rules, xxxxx? When do they change and how do I ever know? Now you are treating my like I had a group question and answer session about our personal business.
I don’t feel that you had good reason to tell xxxxx that you were at my apartment-the guy from xxxxx who saw you going in the building is not likely to stop by the office, give chapter and verse about your whereabouts on that given day armed with a PowerPoint presentation highlighting the location of my apartment and the positions that we use to screw! Blurting things out like that marks you as guilty And – not telling me that you said something to xxxxx(made me look shocked at best, like a deer in headlights at worst) when she brought it up – made me look guilty. Not mentioning something that later may come up in conversation is much easier to play off, "Oh, yeah, I stopped by xxxxx one day on the way to xxxxx--she's been complaining about how xxxxx needed to be fixed, so I offered to help." End of discussion.
Excessively covering non-existent tracks makes people wonder. The less said the better. I have lived this way for well over a year now and have maintained our discretion. Lately it seems to me that you are acting a bit hastily. If you are ready to be public about our relationship, by all means let's do it. If you aren't then might I suggest you get control of yourself and be careful of how you act. Do not, however, expect me to accept being treated badly over mistakes you make. I did nothing wrong. I did not embarrass you in any way at that party or “out us”. For you to tell me that space is needed, as if I did something specific to cause of the questioning and comments that you have gotten from people at your office, is unfair and cruel. I will not be treated this way. I love you, but I love me more. If you are going to continue with mixed signals and unreasonable attitudes I will not be able to see you anymore. It will be the most difficult thing I ever do, but it will keep me from dying off a little piece at a time--because really, xxxxx, yesterday; seeing you put your hand up at me and hearing you say that we need space killed off a piece of my heart. I can't and won't let you do that to me anymore. So, you tell me - what happens next?
A little wordy and a little harsh. I could hear and feel the anger in your voice. I don't know your relationship with mm, but if you feel he could take this and your R will survive, then send it. I like the ending though. Just edit it and edit it until you are totally comfortable sending it. Just don't regret sending it!
:)
dd
i'm going to hold off for now - and give him the space that he needs. I will, at some point share the final paragraph with him. A very good friend of mine told me yesterday -"ya know how sometimes you push him, and he'll spring back? this may push him over the edge, especially if he is already stressed out".
i'm jsut going to enjoy my quiet time - go away for the long weekend - and R-E-L-A-X.
how are things w your MM?
Not happy at all
dd
Emails tend to give the person too much time to ponder what you have said and increase their anger.
I really do hope you have this discussion with him at some point though.
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