Some new information...
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Some new information...
| Mon, 10-27-2003 - 9:43am |
Over the weekend I ran into a friend of mine that I've recently found out is an old friend of MM's. I've seen this woman since my A began, but I didn't realize until a few weeks ago that MM knew this woman from childhood. She actually is better friends with his first wife, the one he cheated on with his current wife years ago. I asked this woman if she knew MM and she started talking about him in a not-so-favorable manner. She said she got the impression he wasn't a very good husband to his first wife (not a surprise, considering he CHEATED on her!) and she hinted that there might have been some physical and emotional abuse there. I can't even begin to fathom MM doing something like that -- no, I take that back, I don't want to believe it but it's not 100% unbelievable. He has shown some signs of possessiveness and jealousy and he says very hurtful things when he gets that way, but still... Then this woman mentioned his childhood and said she has heard MM was sexually abused as a child. I asked who abused him and she didn't know but said she thinks the older brother was involved. He's told me repeatedly that his father physically abused him growing up, but of course he never mentioned any sexual abuse. We're not really that close. I spent some time over the weekend thinking about this. Both MM and I had abusive situations with our father and, if this rumor is true, we both were sexually abused as children. I don't know much about childhood sexual abuse and how it affects a person as he/she gets older, but would an A play a part in that? It's all just rumor and conjecture but for someone like me who's trying to talk herself out of MM in every way possible, I have to take everything I can get!

Edited 10/27/2003 11:36:34 AM ET by autumnbreeze_iv
As far as how your emotions go, there are certain things unavoidable if your are getting your feelings involved - like getting hurt. I think you are like me, cannot be in any R without your feeling involved in it - whether you like it or not. There is no avoiding that - I can see that from your posts. There are two different paths as far I can see for you - one get into it knowing you will have to end when he feels guilty and get hurt, OR walk away from it all before you go any further with your A. Hope it all works out for you.
I am glad you have changed for the good. All your inhibitiions have gone,thats good. I lost all of my inhibitions slowly over the years with H. At first I was reserved with him and he couldn't figure out why - he thought it was something to do with him. I was not ready to tell him about my childhood abuse then. Then my MM came along and I was a different girl, I lost all of my inhibitions - he made me feel desirable not like a slut. So I guess my situation is kind of similar to mine. I have "blosommed" sexually with him than I did with H, so its all good. :-)