Somebody Talk me Down!
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Somebody Talk me Down!
| Sun, 07-25-2010 - 9:29pm |
OK, a little back story: I'm in my late 30's, and have one child who's only five.
| Sun, 07-25-2010 - 9:29pm |
OK, a little back story: I'm in my late 30's, and have one child who's only five.
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well.. if you can afford another child for the next 20 or so yrs, why not.. go for it!.. and if it looks like it's not working, you can always adopt.. the world can use moms who have room in their hearts and homes for one more child..
sorry.. not that good a job of talking you down..
OK...not going to try to talk you down...but maybe just point out some things...and this is coming from someone who cares:-)
I have a son with autism...he wasn't "officially" diagnosed until last year, but I always knew in my gut that there was something. As he gets older, things he needs become more...and not just in a financial way.
I also have two girls, one older than him and one younger. I wouldn't give up having any of my kids for anything...but there are times when I am pulled in so many different directions!
My son goes to therapy twice a week...there is the financial cost from this that is a huge burden and the logistics of everything. Now that all of my kids are getting older, there are things that they all want to do...so that means having to juggle therapy along with all of the other running around that needs to be done. Add in there that both H and I work full-time, although I work school hours, and it means that there is very little time left for me or us.
It's not just the therapy and running around to take into consideration though. My son needs a lot more time than the average child does. He suffers from anxiety also, and will not do anything on his own. This means that he won't stay in a room on his own, won't even go into the bathroom on his own, and we can not take him anywhere and leave him. All of this is of course stressful.
There is also a lot of resentment
anotherseyes
Oh AE I am the WORST person for this conversation. I have 4 kids and would love more. Hard work yes but I just have a strong maternal streak.
So what do I think of your decision. Gosh so many thoughts going through my head.
OK No 1. Baby or Not? Considering another baby means
The way you're feeling about your AP Another, I dunno, I think this is your body's reaction to loving him. Lots of people here have reported having fantasies of having their AP's baby. You SAY you would want nothing from him, but really, when you're holding that baby in your arms you would resent the fact that he couldn't introduce this child to his family, you would hate that his other children are publicly acknowledged and yours isn't, you would certainly want your child to have the same standard of living as the others'. If you really want another baby, and have thought all that through, you should have one from a sperm bank and keep all the emotions/drama that would evolve from having your AP's baby away from your little one.
Someone brought up custody issues. Have you really thought that through? I know you can't imagine it, but it IS possible that you and AP can break up in an unfriendly and bitter manner. And maybe his wife would find out about the A and about the baby. The courts are pretty "dad" friendly these days - usually looking for what they consider the "best home" for the child. Are you willing to possibly lose this child that way? Who would win - a single mother with a lot of her attention already taken by a special needs child, or a married man with a stable home and possibly more resources? He would no longer have to prove you were "unfit", only that his home is better. How would you feel having AP and AP's wife be the main caretakers of your child? Like I said, I know you can't imagine it happening that way, but it could.
Really think through ALL the possibilities before jumping into something like this.
Let me know what your T thinks about this - just curious LOL.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
I'll post more later,just a quick line : does he have a healthy sperm,if you are serious about it ?
Another,you crave your AP like crazy.I hope its just an insane thought which will pass.Your posts ooze a kind of yearning for him.
Let's see if I can answer all the questions:
No 1. Baby or Not? Considering another baby means
anotherseyes
Another I actually think its very natural that some women get to a certain age and realise their body clock is ticking away.I'm 41 now but when I was about 36 and with my ex I went through a phase of really wanting another child. I have 3 and ex
anotherseyes
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