Someone, please help me sort this out!!!
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| Sat, 08-23-2003 - 9:43am |
I usually see MM once a week, although I did see him twice last Sat and Sun but haven't been able to see him since. He "usually" calls every day, sometimes we aren't able to talk because if he has employees working at the time, he just can't. But, on the days he alone..we talk all day, between customers, etc. Lately, though just in the last couple of weeks..he's starting not calling at all on some days, not even the short calls just to let me know what's up at the time. So far, it's only been about 3 times he's done this, but I guess because I've been "spoiled" to talking to him each and every day...yes, I had a problem with this.
I talked to him on Monday, but then Tuesday I didn't hear a word from him all day. On Wednesday, I decided to go shopping and I left my cell at home (purposely) because I was just stressed, I had all of these emotions going up and down, thinking about things with us and wondering why I get mad at certain times, etc.
Well, low and behold, he called that day nearly all day long. I didn't get home until 2:30 and my daughter came home on the bus just a few mintutes later as did her dad as he gets home at 3:00. I COULD have called him back by leaving the house and making an effort, but my child was upset because she didn't make chorus, etc., and I opted to just wait it out.
On Thursday he called first thing, and I could tell he was a bit perturbed as we had "sorta" planned to get together that morning before he had to go into work at 2:00. We never officially made plans, so I don't think that was a big deal. Anyways...by that time I was also sick, and had run a fever the night before and just basically felt like crap. He kept tiptoeing over the day before and saying how he had tried and tried to call and how he was hoping he could have seen my Wed. ng., I told him I went shopping and left my phone at home to charge & forgot it.
He thened asked me "if I had been thinking over the last couple of days" about us? And, at first I hesitated (he can read me like a book) and then I said well, yeah...I have. (He trys to pull everything out of me) by asking questions. So he starts asking things like..."you've been wondering how you let it get this far, you didn't mean for it to happen" etc. and well, I started crying. He started talking all serious about everything all the while putting things into question form....for me to 'answer' yet...he'd give me the answer too...like above. I hope that makes sense. He started talking about 'what if someone told our kids one day?, why do this if it can't go anywhere, we're doing our spouses like crap, etc.' The whole while...I'm thinking..he's "asking" me these questions, he obviously been thinking them, right? and he did say, I've thought and asked myself all of those things.
Then..............he says, maybe we just shouldn't see each other for a while, give it a week, three days, something. Then, he even said...we don't have to have sex...we can just talk and be friends?? Can you do that? << I mean, I didn't know what to say...so I said well, I mean I guess if that's what he wanted to do, there was nothing I could do. THEN...he's like, that's not what I want to do, I want to keep seeing you, I love you..I know how I feel today, yesterday..I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, but I know I do love you. SO by now, I'm really confused and of course I tell him I don't want to stop seeing him either but now I was so confused and HURT thinking he didn't really want to keep seeing me...he said, no...it wasn't him, he was just doing it thinking it's what I might need. We finally ended our conversation, and he said I'll talk to you in a couple of days...I'm like "what" and he said...oh forget it..I'll call when I can and I love you. Well, of course, he DID call yesterday but only for a minute to 'tell me he was alive' when I told him I didn't expect to hear from him for a couple of days...he's like, I told you I'd call when I had time..which somewhat pissed me off. He then said something like we aren't talking about "anything" just work and stuff...and I'm thinking "whatever" by this point and the conversation ended very shortly after with a simple good-bye.
Am I right to be so confused??? It's like at times, I feel as though he does this to me like he's wanting me to come running back when he says maybe we shouldn't talk for a while, etc. I don't know what to think, is he just having the same emotional feelings as me and just doesn't know how to deal with them or what? It's like I can handle my own emotions but then even if I think he's thought "the same things" as me...sometimes, that hurts my feelings, and I don't know why. I know I just can't fathom the thought of letting him walk off again like I did 12 years ago and I even told him this and he told me...I'm not going anywhere, you have me for life, whether you want me or not, you have me for life. << This was all in the same conversation as the one above and I went from thinking one minutes, oh no, he doesn't want to see me anymore but he just wants me to tell him....to he really does love me. Please give me some insight as to how I can even discuss with him how this makes me feel because I don't even know where to begin. I know that his asking ME "questions" and then answering them for me has got to stop, (even though half the time he's right) cause it's driving me nuts!

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He has told me that he loved me and yes, this really takes my heart...and my soul!! I've known him for 18 years, longer than I've known anyone and always knew I had such special feelings for him, and I even thought to myself back in 1991 that...this was the guy that I loved, but of course..I never let on to him through the entire A we had then, so now....it's like, I've kinda waited on this my whole life and he's the one person I always wanted to hear it from...it's kinda like a dream come true for me in alot of ways...even if we aren't ever able to be together. Thanks for your kind post and I'll be sure to let you know what happens.
Hugs to you
PR
As far as him being more into me than I am him....that would be hard for me to believe since I know I'm REALLY into him...lol, still...that made me feel good, even if it may not be true (sigh) lol.
I'd already knew I was going to have a talk with him about his 'questions' but after reading your post, I think I may try telling him just how you wrote it,, since it sounds so great, and you are sooooo right about not wanting to "divulge" everything...and there are some things (right now) that only I need to know!! lol. He always seems to be right about me..and hits it right on the spot, which in alot of ways is a good thing I think, but man....it CAN be highly irritating too.
I talked to him for a brief moment when he called on Friday...and he's been off all weekend, so I really haven't talked to him since Thursday (when all this happened). I can't even count Friday, cause I was pissed...then, I think HE got pissed, especially when I told him I hadn't expected to hear from him and then I got pissed again, when he said he just called to tell me he was still alive & to see if I was better (about being sick). All that just flew all over me.
I'm gonna try this out...cause truthfully...we haven't "talked" about what we "expect" from each other as far as seeing and communicating with one another. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes, thanks again for the post...made me feel alot better and wish me luck!
Hugs to you!
PR
I think you are gonna be just find Ribbons! :) I can see you have your head on straight and aren't gonna let this A get the better of you! That's a good sign! Just approach everything you discuss and how you deal with MM with LOVE and I really think it will show through and make things better! You've got more figured out then you think you do so... go get him!!!! :) Good Luck!
hugs, K
Breaks......The reason I need breaks is to keep a perspective. Oh, I might like to see him often since I enjoy his company so much (and I can't get enough of him either), but when I do, it's too easy to get wrapped up in *him*, and forget about other things - like *my* life and *his* life, which is seperate in alot of ways. Also, some things are just better left unsaid, and when I am feeling emotional I don't want to blurt out what I'm thinking, since it is impossible to back-track.
I've just had a thought that I don't know that EMA relationships are more difficult than committed relationships - just the maintaining can be different.
Our longest break has been 4 or 5 weeks only. But, we usually still talk as friends when we are on break. Normally, we would resume where we left off after a break, but after the last one of 4 to 5 weeks, I realised how beneficial it was.
I'm like you, Pretty - I'm reserved, and always have been. Add to that the need to be independent, and I'm probably a difficult cookie to get close to. My MM is very good at expressing himself too - unlike any other man I've been in a relationship with. During that last longer break, we were able to really talk (without my feeling the emotional from IC), and I opened up quite a bit, and received quite a bit from him in return. Now, I feel myself slipping back into reserve-dom. Is that a problem? I don't think for MM because he seems to understand me - and it's certainly not a problem for me because I am learning and know in which areas I want to change/grow - yeah baby, lol. I believe it would be a problem if I didn't realise I was reserved and how it could affect any relationship I have.
And, see - you realise that MM has changed from 12 years ago - you have too! It can take some time of learning, pain and joy to get to know each other as you are now. If it's worth it to you, then keep on learning and working in the relationship.
So, yes, for me and a few other members (who don't post frequently) on the board, breaks can be a good thing if both want it.
I don't know if that helps, Pretty - you will only know how a break will work for you once you've experienced it. Don't forget, we're here to listen and support you along the way.
Hugs,
Meow
PR
Thanks for your replies to my posts too. Be strong and keep holding it together!
Sorry to hear whats going on...and sorry I had not responded sooner I was out of town and no computer!! I hope things have cleared up by now..at least a little better.
I do agree with most of the posts on here...everyone seems to have some great advise. I do think he wants to reassure himself that you love him and care for him just as much he does you. Guys are wierd about some stuff like that...and im sure just like us hate to admit it at times. And im sure that did get him upset you not answering your phone but you know that goes to show him your not always available. It just makes him want you more!!
I really hope your doing better...and hope to see you on yahoo...take care and hugs and kisses be strong...its easier said then done i know!!
HUGS - Sandy
Hugs PR
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