Someone slap me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Someone slap me
7
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 10:32pm

I am a single OW and my AP is honest with me about the fact that right now, he's not planning on ending his R. We have discussed the issue of me dating other men many times and the murky conclusion we always seem to come to is that no, he does not want me to date other men but he understands that he has no right to demand that of me. What we have officially decided is that ignorance is bliss; in much the same way that I don't want to hear word one about his GF or their life together, he does not want to know even the tiniest little detail of my potential interaction with other men. He will happily go on thinking that I am exclusive to him, and I will happily go on pretending that he is mine and mine alone during the time that I have him.


So . . . I had

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 10:30am

In order to give you what is real I am going to paint a picture for you. Imagine your AP, the man you love, making passionate love to his W and giving her his undivided attention while in her presence playing the good H. Imagine her spooning with her H as he holds her each night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 12:07pm

I also am S OW and my AP is M with one kid.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 1:18pm

I am SW with MM and do feel the same as you.I did try dating but I am sooo in love with my MM that no other guy matches up and in all honesty,dating sucks.I eventually gave up and now wear a ring from AP- keeps jerks away ,lol!
I am very content the way our A is.I have come to terms with what it really is ,what I am getting out of it and what I need.Everything just falls into AP's direction and I am happy with my decision.

As silly as it sounds but now I have no desire to get out of my A which is much better than a 'normal' relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 8:16pm

Thank you for your support ladies. I can't help it . . . this heart wants what it wants, and I can't just turn it off even if life would be easier if I did. I want AP and no one else. I was kidding myself to think that I could date other men and be fine about it. I can't. I have been in AP's position (unhappy in my R but felt like I couldn't leave because of my kids) and I know that he would have to make a very hard choice in order to be free of his GF. It is not the same as my free choice to date other men would be, and it deserves to be considered differently. I know that that sentiment is something that others might have a hard time understanding or agreeing with, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But I don't want to hurt AP by dating other men, and I don't want to potentially hurt other men by trying to be with them when I am not going to leave AP.


AP is it for me. I don't need to be slapped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 10:18pm

I understand where you are coming from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 10:27pm

That's the other hard part for me, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2010
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 2:45pm

Seriously .. are you kidding?? You don't want to hurt him by not dating other men, but in return he does have the right to hurt two women.