Something worth thinking about........
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| Sat, 08-16-2003 - 1:25pm |
She may be the kindest, and gentle woman you could ever meet, you most likely even know her, very well and are completely unknowing she is the one who shares your husbands heart, and bed. She is a nice woman, much like yourself. This is the only part of her life that can't be admired, which can't be discussed, not out loud, to anyone. It's the only part of her life for which she doesn't respect herself and it keeps her dismal, even when she's happy, because she knows whatever happiness she has is stolen and ill-fated. She's not a fool, nor does she portray one, even though she knows she's acting like one.
This woman you've come to consider a good and dependable part of your life, or your society. She's a teacher, a nurse, a retail manager, a social worker, a business owner, or an engineer. Maybe she's been your friend since grade school, your best friend, without revealing this part of her life to you because she suspects that even at your most understanding you wouldn't understand. You couldn't unless you've been through this and she is absolutely positive you haven't. She thinks she knows this, one thing she has learned is that nobody is exempt from the possibility of this happening. If one person could claim exemption, she'd be first on your list.
So she doesn't tell you, her best friend. You might look at her through different eyes, even worse, stop talking to her altogether, and that would devastate her. She's already consumed by the possibility of loss and will not add to it, even at the cost of not talking about the very thing that consumes her day and night.
Well educated, courteous, she was brought up by a loving functional family, she's not nor has even been "that kind of girl" or has she ever had to be taken across state lines for unjust reasons. Beautiful, funny, and considerate, she is completely committed to those she loves and that's one of the reasons this breaks her into millions of shattered pieces, One of the things she loves about this man, after all, is the way he unconditionally loves and endears those closest to him.
But, not her, he can't treat her as if she were really in his life, after all, she is not supposed to be. His factual life, you know the real one. If he were an emotionally mean or uncaring, she wouldn't have been drawn to him in the first place. Those aspects of his life he betrays to be with her are the very parts of him she would never wish him to compromise. So she understands how torn he is, how he feels like his heart is being stabbed with a butter knife, all the anxiety he experiences. He, too, is a decent person, except he fell in love with someone he isn't supposed to love.
Holidays are really hard, so is spring when the flowers bloom, as are winter nights as those are the coldest, summer mornings when the world is full of life, and long, early-autumn afternoons when she would kill to walk hand in hand with him. The phone, or perhaps the internet is her immortal connection to him and she has a million different ways of being reached in case a inch of time can be made just for her. She'll take any moment she can get, and that moment will be cherished. There are silly things they use to communicate what can't be said and never put into writing, they laughed at these in the beginning, but over time they have be come as serious as a heart attack. Almost a vital part of her being.
Maybe it will end when there is a accident and they are together, returning from a place where they never should have been, one of those treasured "stolen moments", having to make up lies to hide what everybody around them now suspects is in reality the truth. What if the lies are now what everyone belives to be truth? The experience destroys them, distorts what they had beyond any form it might have been previously, or shape it ever could have taken. Perhaps she goes to his kid's high school graduation ceremony and realizes that it's been 12 years already and that she could have had kids herself by now. But silently, painfully, she will celebrate his.
It continues. Lonesome nights, unbearable weekends, endless violations of everything she knows about how life could and should be lived, but they have loved each other for so long now, how can she not love him, how can she live without him? She starts to worry that he'll get sick or die and no one will tell her, and why should they tell someone so insignificant as herself? She really does not know him that well right? What about her last breaths? Who will be there?
She can't believe she has allowed this to be her life. Nobody else would believe it either, even the man whom she loves with all she is. It's a painful, emotionally exhausting routine. Nobody chooses this on purpose. This is not a defense for her, she knows better than you -- right from wrong. Don't judge her, and don't think you don't know her, and don't think she is not like you. She is.....and you do

RH
Edited 8/16/2003 1:55:12 PM ET by igottaluvhim
My mm told me the most romantic things, for just one reason...I was dumb enough to believe in him, and he enjoys having an affair. They all do.
The only way that you can believe that it is "real love," is if the married people actually leave and begin a new life with you. Otherwise, we are ALL being used. How many WSs actually leave? Why should they?
X
C
I remember when I began my A that I would look around and realise a friend, neighbor, co-worker, a community worker - *anyone* - could be in an A, the same as I. It would probably be safe to say that 1/5th of the adults in this country have been in an A (and that's playing it "safe" with 20%).
And only a teeny tiny percentage of those either post or lurk on this board or the other few internet boards. That's alot of EMA'ers who most likely don't talk about their secret relationship to anyone (and some not even with their affair partner) and feel a lonliness for it. And as most here would likely agree, one can't really comprehend the why or how unless one has experienced an EMA. That can be a lot of feeling and thinking to keep bottled up, no matter how good or how not-good an EMA is.
My EMA is good and it is a real part of my life, but sometimes I *need* or *want* to talk about it. Thank heavens for this board, and thank heavens for the members, past and present!
Meow
Hugs
RH