sorelyconfused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
sorelyconfused
5
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 1:02am
Ok, I'm going to try to be brief. I've been having an affair, mostly emotional since he lives far away, for almost 3 years. I've known him for 13 years and I have been married for almost eleven. We have a child together, but my husband raises him as his own. We have kept in contact through the years (not too much because it was hard for me) concerning the child. I loved this man the moment I laid eyes on him, but we were both really young and not in a good situation. But, nonetheless, I loved him, genuinely. We started emailing regularly in 2001 because he was approaching thirty and wanting to get things in his life together. He was considering a relationship with my son. After many discussions, husband included, we decided that would not be a positive thing at this point. And I knew it would lead to trouble if I saw him. Well, I saw him anyway, and it did lead to trouble. But it felt like coming home. There is no other way to put it. Being with him, not just in a sexual way, feels so natural. It isn't cause it is perfect or anything like that. It just is... I love my husband, he is a great guy, and I don't want to hurt him. But I am so in love with the other guy. I always have been, but I never thought anything would come of it, of course I dreamed and wished it would. I don't want to give up my family, I love my life. But I cannot fathom moving on without the other guy. I don't know what I'm looking for from this board. So, give me whatever you've got. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 9:22am
Time to make an adult decision and move one way or another, does the other man want you for more then a bit of fun, your husband sounds like he deserves good treatment, get in or get out of the Marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 9:24am

good morning sorelyconfused and welcome to the board.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:32am
I have been called selfish before and it will show through in this reply.. However, please know that I am on your side...

You have one life to live. There are no 'do-overs' in life. You will need to make a tough decision all too soon by the sounds of it. Keep the father of your child in your life- you may love your current life (as I do) but be true to yourself. A deep love as you have described doesn't come along often. Take your time honey... this will be hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 1:41pm
Thank you for realizing this isn't about something on the side or just having fun. It is serious. OM loves me, and has demonstrated such. He has asked me all or nothing, because he doesn't want to live this way either. Our love is more than sex. Infact, we were talking of our life together with 'what ifs' before we got together in that way. And I wouldn't dream of taking my son from his real father, the one who raised him, loves him, cares for him, etc. This is not a love because of a child. I, *****, love him, *****. It isn't that I love a fantasy, it's been three years, I know who he is. This is what makes it all so confusing. I don't want to choose who to spend my life with based on who has supported me. They don't send kids of divorced parents to live with the richer one, at least not in my case. Thank you for acknowledging that what I'm feeling is real, whether or not it is ideal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:31pm

hey solelyconfused, we definitely acknowledge your feelings for both your H and OM as

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board