sorta new, need your opinions
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sorta new, need your opinions
| Mon, 08-18-2003 - 6:19pm |
Hi, I've lurked here for a long time, and I just really need to talk about my situation and ask what you all think. I've been in an affair for I guess you could say almost 3 years. It hasn't been physical for over a year, but we can't seem to let each other go completely. We still talk on the phone from time to time and I still have very strong feelings for him. A little background, we're both married and have children. We had dated before our marriages and broke up before we met our spouses. I ended the relationship last year because I felt too guilty, and because I felt he didn't really have feelings for me other then sex. He's kept in contact the whole time since, says he cares for me and wants to still be close even if its not physical. I miss him terribly when I don't hear from him and sometimes I'm even more depressed when I do, I feel so terribly guilty about the whole thing, but at the same time I love him and can't imagine never seeing or talking to him again. I tell myself he wouldn't keep holding on this long just hoping we'll get back together, that maybe he really does have feelings for me too. I don't know, I'm just a mess and don't know what to think anymore. anyone ever been in anything remotely similar or am I just out of my mind? thanks for listening...Daisy

And is your H really Tom?
It sounds to me like you are both keeping the fantasy of what might have been alive... which is fine and dandy if it doesn't interfere destructively with the life you *have* chosen. It sounds like you might be hitting a crossroads here of needing to let go and focus on the life you have, or choosing to leave the life you have to see what else is out there.
In either case, can OM really give you what you want/need? You already ended a R w/him, or rather limited your R w/him, because he didn't fulfill your needs... why would it be different now, really? Does he claim to be different or simply that he *did* care about you and you just didn't catch on to that outside of the sex? If he's "changed" then what are you willing to risk to find out if it's true or not, or if it's even enough for you... and if it's the latter, then nothing he can do now will make you feel more of an emotional connection because he's already told you that it's there on his part and already shown you what he can deliver -- and it wasn't enough.
I would recommend backing off for a bit and seeing where your head and heart are really at in terms of the life you have now... is it worth risking? What are the potential rewards, really?
Good luck, Daisy. Love your screen name.
-lily of the literary valley