Sounds completely warped

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Sounds completely warped
4
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 8:31am
But has anyone's marriage actually IMPROVED since beginning the EMA? It's almost like I'm more loving towards my H, more able to communicate and tell him how I'm feeling, good or bad, since starting my EMA. At times I think I'm "overcompensating" for my extracurricular activities, therefore treating him better. But what I really think is that the EMA is giving me an outlet for all those pent up emotions and feelings and I am better able to tolerate my H and the state of my M. It sounds so completely demented that having and continuing in this EMA is making the otherside of my life more tolerable...anyone else?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 9:09am
Yes, I've been struggling with the same thing for a while now. At first it hurt my marriage -- I think because I thought it was supposed to, so I made it. I was trying to convince myself my marriage was flawed because I had this guy telling me every day how much he wanted to be with me and how beautiful I was. But then MM got scared and started becoming distant toward me and after a couple of bad weekends, I think I figured out that in order to survive I had to figure out a way to make the best of it when he gets like that. So I spent an entire weekend throwing myself into my marriage and it worked. It's like I fell in love with H all over again. I started appreciating him for the great guy he was... Then things got good with MM again and I found that my M was still good. Bizarre though it may sound, sometimes when H hugged me as I was leaving for work, I'd have the thought that I just wanted to stay there, safe and protected. With MM I never know for sure what the day will bring. Maybe I'll get to see him, maybe not. Those days when I can't see him for timing reasons are just SO HARD. It's easy to gravitate toward H as safe and protective. I have found that when things are mediocre between MM and I, my feelings for H are kind of mediocre. It's when things are going either really, really well or really, really badly that things with H step up. Does that make sense? It's almost as though I need the excitement and drama to be happier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 7:49pm
I agree with you. My M has improved since my EMA began. I think that my H is a little suspicious and he is paying me more attention.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 9:22pm

Hi hdcmomma,


Not warped at all... not at all! :) my marriage went through a very rough patch... almost to the stage where I was ready to walk away... for me! I was already involved in my EMA... but that had nothing to do with the state of my marriage... DH found out and confronted me.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 10:31am

Sweet,


You said exactly what I meant...what I was feeling. Thanks for expressing my feelings so accurately ;)