Spiraling out of control

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Spiraling out of control
9
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 2:24pm

My life seems to just get messier as it continues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 2:32pm

PLease, Please, Please be careful about meeting a guy from the internet. If you do meet him, please let someone you trust know where you are going to be, etc. I guess I watch too much tv about serial killers, etc.

I agree with you that you may need some help - possibly counseling. The book codependent no more is a great book to start.

I am sorry you are going through a tough time. I know what it feels like to be in an A - I am currently going through no contact and it is hard.

Good luck and be safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 3:13pm
I feel for you also because I too know how difficult the NC is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 5:27pm

Addicted....

You wanted feedback, so here goes.

What is your deal with married men? Why is it that all of the men you are choosing to get involved with to some degree or another are all married? I mean, at this point, at least some of it has to be intentional. Hasn't your experience with one shown you what you can pretty much expect with the rest of them? Because in all honesty, in many ways they are the same. Especially this internet guy. You have absolutely no idea whether anything he is telling you about himself is fact. Furthermore, he doesn't even live in your area, has to fly to meet you, so why even go down this road at all? Could it be that in some way you're taking the fact that a married man will stray for you as some sort of misguided proof that you're desirable? There has to be something within yourself that is driving you to seek out these kinds of relationships. I say this with the best of intentions....perhaps instead of putting so much energy and thought into which one of these married men is the best one, you should be taking a look at what is really going on inside of you and your life. Afterall, you did title this thread "spiraling out of control". In all honesty, it seems that way to an outsider.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 6:28pm
I don't know about the married men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 6:51pm

It could be that you seek MM because they are a 'safe' option. You're M and not likely to leave and they would be the same. If you choose a single guy, then if he develops feelings he's likely to pressure you to leave to be with him? JMO. A MM has the same to lose as you do.

I agree that if you are going to meet the guy off the Internet make sure you do so in a public place. Make sure you have your own transport and do not go anywhere with him alone on the first date. Having said that, I met my AP (whom I love deeply) on the Internet, but I still took all the precautions. The fact that he doesn't live anywhere near you means that you will have to choose a LDR if you end up with him. Look into the future, three, six, twelve months from now and see what that might be like for you before you take it any further. You might not like what you see. There are quite a few ladies in LDRs on this board and they'll all tell you how difficult that can be.

As you are still choosing to meet MM, you do need to look inside yourself and work out why it is you choose to do that too.

Pisces


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pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 7:53pm
.i actually met someone...this person i've met is good to me, fun..very attentive etc.



Edited 6/16/2009 6:32 am ET by theeternal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 8:39pm

I can understand where you are coming from. I tend to be a bit codependent, but once I get refocused, I can find my strength and move on.

There is a mental health counseling center somewhere in your community. The fee will be a sliding scale/pay program or free. Look in the phone book in the city area and find mental health - someone can help you.

I know this b/c I used to be a social worker.

Good luck to you and take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Fri, 11-21-2008 - 3:03pm

I realize I'm a co-dependent and know what made me this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Sat, 11-22-2008 - 7:13am

I know your not suppose to throw rocks if you live in a glass house but I have to say it...

I think that most of the people on here have found themselves in a position that they never thought they would be in meaning an A. Or they inadvertently fell in love w/ a coworker, or even have chose to have FWB type situation, but you are a serial cheater. You talk of all these men that you have to choose between as if you are single, and need a new boyfriend.

News flash....You're Married! You can't go around replacing one AP w/ another...or worse, several. Your not being fair to your H, or your children if you have any. And my God by all means please use protection, because you can only roll the dice so many times before you get snake eyes.

There is something inside you that is empty, and I think that your looking for a way to fill it. I don't know if you read my post before where I used the analogy of a bucket w/ a hole in it, and likened it to people who need constant reassurance of their worth. I called them leaky people. I think that perhaps you are one. I think that you suffer from low self esteem, and you feel validated every time someone shows you interest. I use to be that way myself to a degree until I met my AP, and fell in love for the first time. Then I knew what true love was, and what it wasn't.

I hope that you find whatever it is that you need, because you deserve better than the hand that you are dealing yourself. Every time that you act out in the way that you are, you further hurt your own self esteem. I hope that I didn't sound to judgmental in the beginning of my post. I am just concerned that your going to end up doing permanent damage somewhere in your life, or you're going to self destruct. Good Luck!