started an affair....confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
started an affair....confused
19
Sun, 03-08-2009 - 8:32pm

Hello, I will try to keep this short, but the basics are married for 32 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 1:02pm

Hi


I'm new to the board too and have just been reading for weeks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 2:19pm

I don't think it's a good idea to leave an M for anyone but yourself. The treatments you've been getting from your H are not acceptable and you should have addressed them and settled it long before you had an A. Remember we teach people how to treat us. Therefore you can't use the way he is treating you as justification for having an A now.

If you are at the end of your ropes in this M and really wants to get out, do it for you. Don't be a damsel in distress and put pressure on the AP to come rescue you. Get a D, plan a life that you can be happy with by yourself and kids (if you have them) and don't worry about having another man in your life again. Only then will you really realized what kind of a life yours should be. There's no guarantee in life and we shouldn't be stuck in an unhappy M's. We all have choices. Your AP seems happy the way things are with having you as a part time lover. You don't really know him, so therefore, can't count on him being there for you when the time comes. That's why it's important you consider only yourself (and kids) in this matter and don't let fear rule your life.

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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 2:37pm

Please think long and hard about leaving a 32-year-old marriage for a man you've only known a fracture of that time and who is unable to emot unless he has been drinking.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 3:18pm

Thanks for answering.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 3:27pm

I remember talking to girlfriends in the past about if we were divorced or widowed would we remarry and all said "H*** NO!".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 3:30pm

You are right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 4:00pm

Fear of what?




You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 4:07pm
amen to "it's not good to leave a marriage for anyone but yourself" i am a firm believer in that

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 6:49pm
I agree with you goddes_g2 that one should not leave or stay in the marriage because of another person, but sometimes one has to. Don't we? As for the original poster, if things have reached the point where you are stashing some money without your H knowing, I think you should do something because you are already out of this marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 7:58am
Fear of being alone.

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