Starting an affair...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Starting an affair...
9
Thu, 04-09-2009 - 8:38pm

First time posting to this board, but it seems like the right place for my request for insite.


I've been divorced for over

It's okay to jump...you have wings! 

To move forward...you have to stop looking back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Thu, 04-09-2009 - 11:25pm

Hi turnanewleaf!

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 1:28am

Do NOT start an affair! I am not saying this to be critical. I truly want the best for you and an affair is not it. Trust me. You're going to go thru more downs than highs. More heartache and pain, than happiness. Then in the end, you'll feel stuck between a rock and a wall with no good ending.

You're divorced, newly single - find someone who IS single because trust me... the 'friends with benefits' only works if you have done it before and KNOW its going to work.

My guess is that, you speak of loneliness in your past marriage, of wanting "companionship", well that 'loneliness' is going to turn into wanting more than friends with benefits.

You're going to start feeling jealous of the time he spends at home, of the things he does for his wife, and you'll be even MORE lonely in the affair.

It's a very, very sad road to take.

=(

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2007
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 9:54am
I agree with lostintransition. I've been involved with my AP for about 3 years. If I could have looked in a crystal ball to see the future when we started this A,
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 9:57am
...


Edited 10/8/2009 8:18 pm ET by goblinqueen79
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 10:23am

I'd rethink this, turn.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 11:20am

"If you really think the FWB route is the way you want to go... trust me there's plenty of single guys out there who are looking for exactly that."

I think Goblinqueen hit the nail on the head. Perfect answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 1:28pm

Oh turn, please, please, please really think long and hard about what even an FWB relationship with a MM means. It means that the benefits are only sex, companionship when you are going to have or are having sex and spending time together centered mostly around sex. Because to a MM that is exactly what FWB means. Maybe it means the same to you, but I am thinking that since you mentioned companionship, it isn't.

You say you are enjoying your independent single life after 17 years of marriage and loneliness. I can relate very much to the married and lonely. So I know how that must have felt for you. You want companionship occasionally. I am assuming that means that maybe you might want to have dinner, catch a movie and maybe enjoy each other after. A MM will much less available during the times you are available. You will be on HIS schedule all the time, because he has the constraint of being married and will have to fulfill the expectations of his marriage, his priority will not be dinner and the movie but the after. You will be second. Something to "fit in" when he can. A few moments here an hour there.

GQ said it very well. You can have a no strings, FWB relationship with a single man, and my guess is you will find it much more fulfilling. Too, you have been on the other side, so you know how that feels.

I am not going to tell you not to do it, and am not judging you if that is what you decide to do. But you asked for insight, so I gave you mine.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Sat, 04-11-2009 - 3:28pm

Thank you to all who replied.

It's okay to jump...you have wings! 

To move forward...you have to stop looking back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Sat, 04-11-2009 - 5:27pm

"We have decided to call it "friends...no benefits"

Good for you! (both of you!)
Take time for YOURSELF.
Enjoy.