starting AP with single man

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2009
starting AP with single man
5
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 6:26pm
Hi Everyone,
I have been here before but it was almost 4 years ago (different guy that did not last long). I am very attracted to another man who is single. He is also attracted to me. I am on an extended vacation so know I will not see him much and we both put our cards on the table, basically a FWB. I've not ever been with a single guy and not long distance. I could see him maybe 4 or 5 times a year. In a way I actually feel it is safer as it is not near my hometown nor is my husband here most of the time so much much safer for me. I have not slept with him but we are getting together tonight and feel I most likely will. Although I do feel guilty (my husband cheated years ago so it only goes so far), I seem to need this male attention every now and then. Don't know why this is and it bothers me. When I have had affairs or flings it is like a major high. It feeds something and Ive yet to discover what. He is a sweet guy and very honest which I like. Obviously he would like to have sex but that goes with the territory-so do I! Anyone else ever been in a similar situation? Any advice is appreciated!
p.s. my husband is not good in bed and we've talked about it but nothing changes. Could be a motivating factor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 11:21am

Hi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2009
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 11:58am
Hi Blondd,
Thanks for the reply. I love my husband very much as Ive been with him for many years. He hurt me very badly and was not faithful or very nice the first 14 years of our marriage while i was a faithful wife and mother staying home with our children while he was out partying and have a great ole time. He has since done as much as possible to make up for this including going to different counselors. I too know at times when i have had my few A's I am seeking something just not sure what. The other problem is he is not good in the bedroom. He continues to say he wants it to be good but then does nothing to change it and I tell him its not that bad because I know it would hurt his feelings. he does not go long at all and barely any foreplay. truth is I dont want it and though like the feeling of actual intercourse with him never feel lust. Maybe that is what I am searching for as well as approval, love and whatever else we can throw into the mix. I like being wanted and desired. I like that I turn another man on. Sound familiar? I will never get a divorce. That will always be out of the question. I can only see this guy today and tomorrow and possible other times during the year when I return to my vacation place. I am just starting to get to know him and really like the person he is which is REAL. He tells me how it is and how he feels.
As for your story, Having an A that is close is very dangerous. I cant believe you never got caught. I did. it was awful! That is why I feel this is much safer since no one knows me here really. You don't want this guy to resent or not respect you in the end. My advice for what it's worth-don't push the issue and see what happens. You don't want to be with him sexually and have him regret it. Wouldn't you rather keep him as a friend than nothing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 2:15pm

OH I'm definitely not going to push the issue if he's not ready yet or if he ever is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2008
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 1:39pm

Wow. Haven't been here in a while. Blondd26, your dude sounds EXACTLY like mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Thu, 05-14-2009 - 8:33am

Hi,


I am having an A with a single guy and 11 years younger than me.

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”