Stay for KIDS?
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Stay for KIDS?
| Wed, 09-24-2003 - 7:38pm |
Do MM really stay for the kids if they aren't in love with the Wife...or is it a bunch of BS? Don't people stay because they WANT to be there, not because they HAVE to be?
I don't have kids...he says I can't understand how torn he is....even if I had kids I don't think I'd SLEEP with someone if I didn't LOVE them...but are men THAT different?

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What do you mean by this?
I KNOW I will meet someone else and I know I will be loved again...but I can promise you that noone will ever have my heart the way HE does.
Just because parents divorce, does not mean one parent has to miss out on the children's lives. Each parent should be equally involved in what the kids are doing. With the way that custody and visitation laws have changed, it is possible and encourage that each parent participate equally. Some states even adjust child support with the amount of time that the non-custodial parent spends with the child.
No I don't think that as parents we should just do whatever we want to as long as it makes us happy, but there comes a point when we do have to have happiness. If we as individuals are miserable or unfulfilled, this will inevidably pour over into our parenting skills. My kids are the best thing in my life. I am very active in everything that they do. My XH is a less than a weekend parent (he lives 10 minutes from us) but that is his choosing as I do not hinder his participation. I advise him of every activity, the kids can call whenever they want to, I am flexible with visitation and have told him he can drop by the house anytime he wants, he is free to go to the school to have lunch with them, etc. He just chooses not to do it. This is something that he would have done even if we had stayed M. He just did not want to sacrifice his time to be with them.
Your MM does not have to be this type of father. If his W tries to prevent or hinder the amount of visitation, there are remedies through the court. Actions such as this may even give reason for the court to change primary custody (I have seen this happen). Another thing, does MM want custody of the kids?
Sorry that some of this was venting, but more for discussion right.
saatty
To summarize my mad ramblings ('cause you really got me thinking), I think men do stay for the welfare of the kids and Ws. Some are in a comfort zone that they are not willing to give up. As many here have said, they have the cake and get to eat it too. As long as the OW is ok with that, the EMA can be a happy, thrilling experience. As you can see on this board, when the two start wanting different things or one lies to the other about the direction of the EMA, things get ugly fast. I comend your MM for his honesty with you. It may not be what you want to hear, but at least he isn't leading you on.
Good luck and hugs
RH
I SEE the torn feelings....I FEEL his frustration. I can handle if I never have him by side, but I have a piece of his heart.
Sometimes I think I should end it for HIS sake....so HE won't feel torn. When I have tried to end it he says I am taking away the on;y true joy in his life.
saatty
One thing I'm struggling with is the friendship aspect. He had become my favorite person to talk to and vice versa for him. I promised I would be his friend for the long haul. But every time I'd try this, I'd just get pissed at him again for not getting out of his marriage. I don't know how to take my heart out of it. Plus, I'm not sure that a MM and a single gal should even be friends, ya know? Especially when we've been "down there". That promise I made makes me feel like I went back on my word. I just can't be friends with him right now. Has anyone backpeddled like that?
I don't really have any advice for ya cuz I'm just dealing with the no contact rules I set just recently. I do go to Dr. Phil's website - there's a page on there that deals with "dating a married man" and I read it all the time to give me strength. Maybe that will help you.
MM has the distinction of being the only man I've completely fallen in love with in my 30's (I'm almost 38 now)and the best kisser of my entire life! I tried to date someone else while this was going on and the poor guy didn't even get a teensy weensy bit of my heart - no matter how hard he tried. Or how hard I tried. Another reason I had to let MM go. Unless there's NC, there is no moving on. At least that's what everyone says. So I'm giving that a shot.
Why do I still dream of him, still hope for him, still want him in the worst way? And I know without a doubt he feels the same way towards me. It effin' hurts with or without him. I'm choosing without now. I have to.
I wish you the best and hope it works out how you want it to.
ILLE
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