Interesting question. I have asked myself oh, maybe a million times why I stay with H. He has actually been cruel to me most of our married life. I feel he has no respect for me. Why do I stay? I think it is because this is what I know. I have a hard time with the unknown. I am a very insecure person. AP is working on this with me, but it will take time. All's it takes is one phone call from H to send be spiraling downward.
The other aspect is that I have always put everyone's needs before my own. I do not like confrontation and I am so afraid to hurt people. I feel selfish for what I am doing, and I do not like that trait in myself.
i stay in my m because i cant afford to leave, we have young kids. We are kind of like roomates raising our children. prety sad. I dont get anything out of my m except misery. maybe someday ill have the balls to leave. probly a mutual feling betwen w and i.
btrue, I agree. I stay for financial reasons, but underneath I know that I am scared to death to go it alone again, even though I desperately want it. Please tell us, what was it for you that finally made you snap and get away from the fear and your H? Did you work towards some goal very slowly? Do you just wake and have that defining moment? I'd love to hear.
How about this one! I know that given half a chance my h would be w/ the woman of his dreams... and it's not me! I've been here more than 25 years---my only marriage--and I'm still here for many reasons but mostly because: I don't want to look like the BAD person who walked away from her husband! Pressure--no fun at all! peace~ pink~
Well its more than keeping something around.... for me it is about choosing someone that I want to include in my life.
What I get is a feeling of excitement, a partner for a lot of things..... going out on a date and for a physical connection...... I am not sure I went into my current R with any expectations other than having fun, which is goung out on dates (not sex)....... I felt like an EA and one based on pure fun.... was ok and it was easy....... what I get from this A is contentment - for me its the first time I did NOT settle.... its the first person - if I ever woke up unattached - I would chase this person..... usually for me that would not be the case (I have no plans of being unattached KWIM but bring it up to highlight my feelings)
What I have now - is close to a soulmate kindred spirits similar enough to get along and different enough to keep it interesting.......
Is it good for me?... Hmmm that is a funny one - but since I like the depth necessary to truly look inside..... I would have to say its good for me - it is keeping me out of trouble, and more focused and in a great mood all the time (not that I was ever in a bad mood)... so yes its great for me
Do I need it?.... hmmm not sure how to answer that - I desire it and I want it
Interesting question. I have asked myself oh, maybe a million times why I stay with H. He has actually been cruel to me most of our married life. I feel he has no respect for me. Why do I stay? I think it is because this is what I know. I have a hard time with the unknown. I am a very insecure person. AP is working on this with me, but it will take time. All's it takes is one phone call from H to send be spiraling downward.
The other aspect is that I have always put everyone's needs before my own. I do not like confrontation and I am so afraid to hurt people. I feel selfish for what I am doing, and I do not like that trait in myself.
I stayed (have left and divorced since) mostly out of fear.
I agree. I stay for financial reasons, but underneath I know that I am scared to death to go it alone again, even though I desperately want it. Please tell us, what was it for you that finally made you snap and get away from the fear and your H? Did you work towards some goal very slowly? Do you just wake and have that defining moment? I'd love to hear.
I did lie awake at night in bed when H was sleeping and fantasize about being in my own place.
I know that given half a chance my h would be w/ the woman of his dreams... and it's not me!
I've been here more than 25 years---my only marriage--and I'm still here for many reasons but mostly because:
I don't want to look like the BAD person who walked away from her husband!
Pressure--no fun at all!
peace~
pink~
Well its more than keeping something around.... for me it is about choosing someone that I want to include in my life.
What I get is a feeling of excitement, a partner for a lot of things..... going out on a date and for a physical connection...... I am not sure I went into my current R with any expectations other than having fun, which is goung out on dates (not sex)....... I felt like an EA and one based on pure fun.... was ok and it was easy....... what I get from this A is contentment - for me its the first time I did NOT settle.... its the first person - if I ever woke up unattached - I would chase this person..... usually for me that would not be the case (I have no plans of being unattached KWIM but bring it up to highlight my feelings)
What I have now - is close to a soulmate kindred spirits similar enough to get along and different enough to keep it interesting.......
Is it good for me?... Hmmm that is a funny one - but since I like the depth necessary to truly look inside..... I would have to say its good for me - it is keeping me out of trouble, and more focused and in a great mood all the time (not that I was ever in a bad mood)... so yes its great for me
Do I need it?.... hmmm not sure how to answer that - I desire it and I want it
Edited 1/27/2009 6:08 pm ET by mrcocky