STBX and jail time,what about kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
STBX and jail time,what about kids?
7
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 10:05am




I don't know if some of you remember me. I have been gone off the board for a while. Some responses that I had gotten before were not the kind you really want to respond to. Briefly, MM and I are living together, have a son and he is almost finished with his divorce. They are actually waiting for the paternity results of the youngest child to be finished(b/c she kept stating that she wasn't his) and we share an 8mnth old son together. Well, back last year 6/03 his STBX assaulted me while I was pregnant and banged out my back car window. Since her arrest for that incident is was one thing after the other. My tires slashed, car keyed with nasty words, and yet another confrontation while she was on probation with a no contact order against her. She also filed a false report against me that got me arrested ,in front of my kids and put in jail over night. STILL, I have not retaliated against her physically ( suprisingly, but i could ring her neck) anyways, we have been in and out of court. My charges were dropped of course, but she plead not guilty to the second arrest. Well, I found out through the victims advocate that she was offered 1yr plus 60 days consecutive term in jail. She turned it down(i guess her public defender isn't smart). Now we will see if the case goes to trial. But, she is a fool, if we go to trial, and the she is found guilty again, she could do more than just the original term. She could be looking at 2-3 yrs. If she accepted the offer, she probably would have only been doing half her time. But, she is soooo worried about everyone else. Karma is a mother. I just hope her kids are all right and she isn't going off in a tyrant in front of them like she always does. She has put them through enough. After all that she has done to me and the destruction she has caused to my property,is it wrong that I don't feel any pity for her. Because I don't. She should have quit while she was ahead, then she decided to turn into my stalker.Now she is looking at jail time.


I told boyfriend last night, that once she is gone that the best thing to do is take physical custody of the old apartment where the children still are and stay there with them for a little while. It will be hard for them as it is, but I don't want them thrown from one situation to another. I know they will feel more comfortable there and it will be better for him to get the adjusted. This is the right thing to do right????? I don't see any other way, and I am secure with our relationship. any advice????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 10:16am
oh Goody, you gotten into a lot of trouble for this MM guy, haven't you?? Did you ask the kids what they want to do? In some states, that is taken into account while giving custody

judgments. Do they have grandparents or relatives that can care for them while you sort out the mess?? I don't if they will be willing to stay with you and the MM. Just a thought.


Edited 4/9/2004 10:17 am ET ET by julietsfate
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 10:31am
Well, it is actually his kids not mine. He has two daughters 8 and 11. Even though we live together now, I told him that once his wife starts serving her time, that he must then go ahead and stay at the girls apartment. That is all they know for now and it will best for them in the long run. The girls no who I am and get along with me fine. When their mom attacked me while I was pregnant, she had them with her (woman is not stable at all) and now she has herself looking at time for constant harrassment and the initial assault. I honestly think that he should go stay with them for awhile, just so they know that he wants to be there for them and loves them. We are in the middle of building our home together and it won't be ready until another couple of months. Best thing right? I don't have anything to worry about,,, right??? I am doing the right, selfless thing for them, it's what best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 10:43am
Yeah that what I figureed, since the XW was going to jail. I don't know if you are doing the right thing, its sometimes hard to say, you know.

Daughters are usually very attached ot their moms and if it comes to choosing between their mom and dad, they usually go for the mom. Especially if they been told to think that a "bimbo took away their dad". That is why its best for other relatives (read neural) to take care of them.

That you won't have to worry about bf going away for sometime - which might put you in a vulnerable state without him. Think of other psychos that might attack you he is there unable to protect you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 11:16am
Well, he was wasn't there to attack me when she did, and now she is going to do time for it. Believe me, I don't want our relationship to become an issue, and i don't think it will be, but he would not allow anyone but hisself to take care of his kids. They are his life, and her family is just as crazy as she is. I don't think it would be that bad because the apartment is only about 4 blocks away from where we live now. It would actually be better off for him. To have this alone time with him. He wouldn't be gone forever but just staying there with them to help them get adjusted to being without their mom. And lord knows what she has told them. He advised her to just say that she is going away to school for awhile to help better herself. the kids are wonderful with me, but then again they have never had to live with me, maybe just stayed the night once or twice. but i honestly think he doesn't have any other choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 11:27am
OK considering all the details of the case, I think its best for you and BF to watch over the kids while she is gone. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 11:52am
thanks, I appreciate the advice. Hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 12:01pm
You are welcome. This is support board, remember??