STILL ON CLOUD 9 - I THINK...
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| Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:23pm |
I posted last week about this new A I am involved in and had posted another on my awesome night with AP (our 3rd encounter) and he is home during the weekend and on the road during the week. So this was really the first weekend he was home with W and I had just seen him the day before. I have read about the "cool off period" or whatever it is called (do men really possess more guilt about A's than woman?) because it was NC Fri, Sat & Sunday. It was killing me not to pick up the stupid phone and send a text because pretty much 24/7, he was on my mind. But, the last thing I want is for the text to be intercepted on his end..or mine for that matter. LOL
What I have realized so far out of this A and the other one I had a long time ago, is that I really have NO guilt. I figured I would but ... I just can't seem to find it within me. All I think about is "wow, that was awesome - when can I see you again" But I hear men have more guilt and Im wondering too if that played into the total NC from the weeked.
And of course, the mind is an evil thing capable of creating disillusions like crazy! Just when I started to wonder if I did something wrong the last time we saw each other, I did end up texting late Sunday knowing he would be back out on the road and got a "Hey, miss you lots" text back. Sweeeet. Today has been good banter back and forth, sweet msg's not all pertaining to sex so that's nice..lol...and we plan to connect tomorrow night. I believe what I learned from my last A was I was too needy. Although xAP fed me lines or pure committment, strong words, actions, etc.. I decided to (no matter how hard it will be) play hard to get, be resistant, not all eager beaver....although deep down...I can already tell I want so much more than this guy

Hey Caliorbust,
I think the whole guilt part depends on the individual. If we went back about 2 years the guilt would of killed me and I wouldn't of been able to go through with it but here Iam having this A and I have my moments. Sometimes I'll cry my heart out and other times I'm just cold and distant. You'd be surprised at the things we can live with. I'm surprised I've been able to pull this off for as long as I have.
I do think woman are better at hiding and covering there tracks then men are but that's just me.
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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